One of the joys of trashy late night television is bad infomercials — we love em! Not the long 30-minute spots you see at 4AM for Shark vacuums and the latest exercise craze — we prefer the short, punchy, and insane 30-60 second spots you see during late-night reruns selling bizarre products touting miracle fixes for nonexistent problems. We like them so much we decided to try making an infomercial of our own.

Before we show you ours, here's a few we love:

 First up, the Tiddy Bear:

OK — this product is obviously aimed at women, right? I mean, I know a man makes an appearance after 40 seconds, and there's a toddler in a car seat even further down the line, but that name? That pronunciation? Nice try "tiddy bear". This is clearly a bosom-related product.

Next we have the UroClub: 

I'm not a golfer, so this isn't a problem I can specifically relate to, but a hollow club to surreptitiously pee in on the green? Maybe just use the facilities in the clubhouse before you hit the links and hydrate at a moderate pace? Isn't this what the rough is for?

Rejuvenique "Electric Facial" Mask:

I don't care if this thing works. That is pure nightmare fuel.

Classic — the Slap Chop:

Look, Vince Offer has/had his share of problems. But for a glorious few months in 2008, he was the KING of the as-seen-on-TV realm, and we think the Slap Chop was his apex — his imperial phase, if you will. He's right — we don't get enough vegetables in our diets. Life is hard enough as it is, and we shouldn't be crying over our onions. And that comical no-look toss of the competitor's product into the sink? GOLD.

Before you start throwing tomatoes and screaming at us about hair in a can, Oxy Clean, Sham-Wow, Shake Weight, and the Snuggie — relax. Their omission was intentional; everyone has seen those. With the exception of the Slap Chop, the above products were less ubiquitous and deserve a second look, even if just to mock them.

Now, without further ado, Boredwalk's inaugural commercial. If it offends you — sorry! If it doesn't — great! Head over to Facebook, Twitter, etc., and tell all your friends.

(Heads up, there's some NSFW language. Nothing you haven't heard in a PG-13 movie, but maybe consider headphones if you're hanging with your nana or your boss. As you're about to see, the legit ads above are waaaayyyyy grosser than anything we've got going on in ours.)

Don't-Get-Mad-At-Us-Disclaimer: We know there's actually nothing inherently wrong with the outfit our protagonist is wearing at the beginning of the commercial — business-casual has its time and place, and a neatly pressed button-down does not automatically turn you into a jerk — our claims in the ad are merely satirical. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS TOO SERIOUSLY OR AS AN AFFRONT TO YOUR PERSONAL STYLE. Or your dad's. But maybe get yourself (and him) some new graphic tees if it hits close to home.

If you're interested in picking up any of the shirts featured for yourself...scroll!

That's it for this week! Hope you all stay safe and cool this weekend. Until next time,

Peace, love, and tacos,

Boredwalk