🥳 You call these holidays? Gimme a break! – Boredwalk
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🥳 You call these holidays? Gimme a break!

ARE YOU EVEN TRYING, JULY 28th?

I hope you're prepared to indulge in a little wishful time traveling with me, because today's lesser holidays are even lesser than usual.

If today were yesterday, we'd be celebrating delicious occasions like National Scotch Day and National Crème Brûlée Day. Don't those sound scrumptious?

Instead, here we are on July 28th with National Water Park Day and World Hepatitis Day. (No offense meant if you count yourself among the afflicted; just doesn't seem like the sort of thing to "celebrate." Maybe I'm wrong, though!)

Judging by the replies to our recent Question of the Day "what popular summer activity could you do without," visiting the water park would be high on the list. So in the spirit of yesterday — or tomorrow, which celebrates tigers, lasagna, chili dogs, and rain, among other wonderful things — let's just hope that August 4th has more in store. (I just gazed into my crystal ball and can confirm that it does!)

Hey Jeff Goldblum, are you excited about hepatitis and water slides? Yeah, didn't think so.

Hey Jeff Goldblum, are you excited about hepatitis and water slides? Yeah, didn't think so

I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that today is also Buffalo Soldier Day. Besides being an excellent Bob Marley tune, this holiday honors the brave Black men of the 9th and 10th Cavalry Regiments and the 24th and 25th Infantry Regiments that patrolled the Wild West in the second half of the 19th century and early 20th century and were noted for their exceptionally low desertion rate — which was pretty cool of them, given the US's, uh, "lackluster" treatment of people of color. No one is very clear on why the Native Americans that encountered these regiments nicknamed them "Buffalo soldiers," but it stuck with them all the way until the US military was finally desegregated in the late 1940s.

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Before we get to this week's amusing links let's honor a few July 28th birthdays!

Beatrix Potter, 1866: Ms Potter was the illustrator, writer, and conservationist who gave us Peter Rabbit and many other beloved children's book characters.

• Earl Tupper, 1907: Mr. Tupper was an American businessman who gave us all Tupperware. Thanks for keeping our tasty treats fresh, Earl!

• Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, 1929: First Lady and wife to JFK, Ms K-O was something of a knockout (see what I did there?) in terms of being the most stylish and fashion-forward First Lady up to that point.

• Lori Loughlin, 1964: Everyone's favorite college acceptance-buying TV mom first warmed our hearts as the quasi-matriarch of the Katsopolis/Tanner clan on Full House...and then made some dubious IRL parenting choices later on. No one's perfect, I guess — not even Uncle Jesse's wife.

• Alexis Arquette, 1969: Ms Arquette could arguably be considered America's first mainstream trans OR non-binary actress. She will always have a special place in my heart for her role as the Culture Club-obsessed backup performer in The Wedding Singer.

• Elizabeth Berkley, 1972: Every American Gen Xer and Millennial's favorite Bayside High overachiever got her start on Saved By The Bell...and then promptly got her (sort of) end in Showgirls. You know how I know there's no justice in the world? Because Kyle MacLachlan continued getting high-profile roles after co-starring in Showgirls, while Ms Berkley has received a smattering of small screen cameos on various CSI spin-offs, off-Broadway productions, and Lifetime thriller movie parts. Next time some Chad tries to gaslight you about how there's no such thing as institutional patriarchy, pull up a pic of Jesse Spano on your phone and exclaim "Exhibit A!"

Alright, you've waited long enough — let's get to some fun links!

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1. Martha Quinn time travels with us!

Ms Quinn (and a few other MTV VJs) reminisce about the best music videos the 80s had to offer — back when the "M" stood for "music" instead of *checks current MTV programming schedule* an endless loop of prank and reality shows. Oh wait — you can catch the original Karate Kid at 9:35AM tomorrow if you're not, y'know, busy on a Thursday morning.

2. While we're on the topic of classic 80s music videos...

...perhaps you'd like to see two of the very best to come out of the entire decade side by side? That's what you'll get if you click the above link — a seamless split screen of Michael Jackson's classic 'Beat It' and Weird Al's classic parody thereof, 'Eat It.'

3. OK, now that we're all drunk on 80s nostalgia, let's cool things off with these adorable lemurs!

These cute critters are brought to us courtesy of the Oregon Zoo, but as a special bonus, please check out my buddy Lynne's nonprofit Lemur Conservation Network! They're all about saving lemurs from extinction, which is a pretty worthy cause!

4. From the cute to the criminal, check out these hideous websites!

From time to time I consider making changes to Boredwalk's website; conventional wisdom states that to "stay current," a website's overall design should be updated every 2-3 years. After scrolling through these, though, I feel a little less compelled to change things just for the sake of changing them.

5. Finally, this video pretty much describes my morning every day.

And people wonder why Boredwalk's art is so negative. Garbage in, garbage out!

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OK! Hopefully these little diversions helped to brighten your day! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday an epic new podcast episode, more fun birthdays, (hopefully better) holidays, and historical facts! Until then...

Peace, love, and phantom crème brûlée,

Matt


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