News
😵💫 Discombobulated? Out of sorts? Yeah...
WE GET IT
Happy Sensible Time Day! This is not an official holiday that is observed by anyone besides other people who agree with me that Standard Time is infinitely superior to Daylight Saving Time. That said, I still feel sympathy for all the DST stans out there. May your day be full of as much caffeine as you require!
Now that we've got the positive stuff out of the way, we now return you to your regularly scheduled Monday, wherein you may observe:
• National Immune System Day
• National COVID-19 Day
• National Funeral Director & Mortician Recognition Day
All of those seem related to some degree... and guaranteed to prompt a persistent feeling of malaise.
Not all of today's random occasions are a bummer, though! We also have:
• National Napping Day
• National Dream Day
• National Oatmeal & Nut Waffles Day
• National Johnny Appleseed Day
My advice? Skip the first three and focus on the latter four. Take a nap and dream a little dream that when you awake some kind hero will have made you some oatmeal & nut waffles topped with warm apple compote. Nothing helps a body spring forward like a belly full of carbs!
I know it's true, Dwight. That's why I said it!
GIF via The Office / NBC
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Let's take note of some significant historical happenings and birthdays from March 11ths of yore:
• In 2020 the World Health Organization declared the COVID-19 virus epidemic a pandemic. BOOOOO!!!
• Birthday oatmeal nut waffles all around for: Actor Mark Metcalf of Animal House and Twisted Sister music video fame (1946), singer-songwriter & producer Bobby McFerrin of "Don't Worry, Be Happy" fame (1950), English author & playwright Douglas Adams of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame (1952), German singer-songwriter and punk icon Nina Hagen (1955), Canadian actor Elias Koteas of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Some Kind of Wonderful fame (1961), singer-songwriter Lisa Loeb of "Stay" fame (1968), actor & producer Terrence Howard of Iron Man, Hustle & Flow, and Empire fame (1969), actor Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame (1971), singer-songwriters Benji & Joel Madden of the band Good Charlotte (1979), actress & filmmaker Thora Birch of American Beauty and Ghost World fame (1982), and Russian-American actor Anton Yelchin of Star Trek, Fright Night, and Odd Thomas fame (1989; RIP!)
*****
OK, that's it for today! No new customer Q&A due to lack of volunteers, so if you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and bonus daylight,
Matt
In like a lion? 🦁
GOOD, I HOPE IT EATS ME 😒
Happy Peanut Cluster Day! Unless, of course, you are allergic. If you are and are something of a grammarian, consider instead celebrating National Proofreading Day instead. If you are allergic to both peanuts and well-constructed sentences, it is also National Retro Video Game Day. So many options!
Meanwhile, I am waiting for the lions March promises to come eat me and put an end to my problems before the lambs arrive with their soft, downy false hope. Pass the bottle, Tin Man!
Chandler gets it.
GIF via Friends / NBC
*****
If you're in the market for some Boredwalk goodies — like that cute, soft Wizard of Oz-inspired Liquid Courage tee up top — be sure to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!
(We also wanted to mention that our vendor who prints our books sent us a bunch of copies of our 1990s Adult Activity books with the wrong paper type. They are still usable, but the paper works best with pens and color pencils (not as well with markers and crayons). Anyway, we are selling them at cost to get them out of our warehouse to avoid throwing them in a landfill. Grab one if you want one.)
*****
While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast!
Meredith & Tess discuss gross eHarmony ads, Boredwalk's most recent burglary, ineffective law enforcement, and the general bad vibes swirling around Boredwalk for the last several months.
They also debate which is more powerful: capitalism or misogyny? Meredith is pretty sure it's misogyny and lays out why, and Tess supports this hypothesis with some first-hand experiences working on ads for some of the worst companies on the internet.
They then check in with the internet troll contingent, and the trolls did not disappoint. (They never do.)
Thankfully, Karen left a 5-star review for her new Grievance Journal, which helped the troll pills go down a bit easier.
Our co-hosts move on to reacting to fan answers to the Question of the Day "what fragrance do others like that you can't stand?" and patchouli was the runaway 'winner' among fans, but Tess & Meredith had their own strong opinions on this question.
They wrap things up by trading answers to the Delve Deck Venting and Joy Edition questions "what problem can you not believe technology hasn't solved yet?" and "what's your favorite guilty pleasure right now?"
Get in on the action and listen to the hilarity on the platform of your choice!
*****
Here are a few historical tidbits and famous birthdays to kick off your weekend:
• In 1910 French aviator Raymonde de Laroche became the first woman to receive a pilot's license
• In 1917 the US Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting the cloture rule. LOL, problem solved, no notes!
• In 1950 the first Volkswagen Type 2, aka VW Bus, aka every hippie's favorite mode of transportation, rolled off the production line.
• In 1979 the compact disc, aka the best audio media format ever invented — I AM NOT ENTERTAINING CHALLENGES TO THIS ASSERTION, VINYL FETISHISTS — was demonstrated publicly for the first time by Dutch manufacturer Philips
• Birthday peanut clusters all around (unless you're allergic, of course) for: Singer-songwriter & actor Micky Dolenz of The Monkees (1945), singer-songwriter & bassist Randy Meisner of The Eagles (1946), English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and car enthusiast Gary Numan (1958), Irish-American actor Aidan Quinn of Desperately Seeking Susan and Benny & Joon fame (1959), actress Camryn Manheim of The Practice fame (1961), actor Freddie Prinze, Jr. of She's All That, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and Scooby-Doo film franchise fame (1976), actor James Van Der Beek of Dawson's Creek and Varsity Blues fame (1977), tattoo artist & model Kat Von D (1982), Uzbekistani-American actress & comedian Milana Vayntrub of AT&T commercial and Werewolves Within fame (1987), and English actor Kit Connor of Heartstopper fame (2004)
• Pour one out for: French composer & conductor Hector Berlioz (d. 1869), German businessman & fragile airship inventor Ferdinand Zeppelin (d. 1917), Grateful Dead keyboardist & songwriter Ron "Pigpen" McKernan (d. 1973), jazz singer Billy Eckstine (d. 1993), baseball icon Joe DiMaggio (d. 1999), and English composer, conductor, record producer, and "Fifth Beatle" George Martin (d. 2016)
*****
OK, that's it for this week!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A if any brave soul (perhaps you?) volunteers! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email, reply to this one and let us know!
Peace, love, and courage (liquid or otherwise)
Matt
Fun links, and BIG thanks! 😮
YOU DA REAL MVPs
If you missed Monday's Boredwalk email, well, it was a doozy. I'll spare you a repeat of the gory details, but our offices were broken into and burglarized (again) for the second time in as many months last weekend.
I and the entire Boredwalk team have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support in response, from placing generous orders to messages of encouragement and empathy to sharing what happened on social media to help spread awareness about our weird little brand.
A HUGE thank you to everyone who replied to the email or reached out via DM over Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and elsewhere. We are by no means out of the woods, but we do have a much-needed spring in our step as we continue to navigate all the challenges 2024 has thrown at us so far.
Thank you so, so much!
No, seriously — thank you
GIF via CBS
Random occasions? Have at them:
• National Dentist Day — Seriously? Gum reaper is out here looking for a statue? Hard pass.
• National Frozen Food Day — I don't know about you, but I would not have made it out of my teen years without fish sticks and frozen peas.
• National Oreo Day — My annual opportunity to remind you that Hydrox were first and Oreos are cookie-come-latelies riding their coattails!
• In 1836 3,000 Mexican troops finally succeeded in storming and capturing the Alamo following a 13-day siege defended by a mere 187 volunteers comprised of US colonists and Tejanos rebelling against the central Mexican government. Shoulda tried hiding in the basement!
• Dmitri Mendeleev presented the first periodic table to the Russian Chemical Society on this day in 1869
• Birthday sandwich cookies all around for: Italian painter, sculptor, and teenage mutant ninja turtle Michelangelo (1475), French author & playwright Cyrano de Bergerac (1619), English-Italian poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806), songwriter, bandleader, and King of Western Swing Bob Wills (1905), actor & comedian Lou Costello of Abbott & Costello and "Who's on first?" fame (1906), famed illustrator & publisher Will Eisner of The Spirit fame (1917), comedian, actor, announcer, and large check enthusiast Ed McMahon (1923), legendary jazz guitarist & songwriter Wes Montgomery (1923), singer Mary Wilson of The Supremes (1944), English singer-songwriter & guitarist David Gilmour of Pink Floyd fame (1946), actor & filmmaker Rob Reiner of All in the Family, This Is Spinal Tap, The Sure Thing, The Princess Bride, and When Harry Met Sally fame (1947), comedian, actor, producer, and screenwriter D.L. Hughley (1963), actress Connie Britton of Friday Night Lights and Nashville fame (1967), basketball icon, savvy businessman, and walking hilarious soundbite Shaquille O'Neal (1972), English singer-songwriter and guitarist Guy Garvey of the perpetually underrated band Elbow (1974), and rapper Beanie Sigel (1974)
• Pour one out for: Colonel & knife enthusiast James "Jim" Bowie and frontiersman, politician, and raccoon hat enthusiast Davy Crockett (d. 1836), who just couldn't make it to that elusive basement in time.
Also dribble a tipple in honor of novelist & poet Louisa May Alcott of Little Women fame (d. 1888), conductor and composer John Philip Sousa of marching band music fame (d. 1932), Mount Rushmore designer & sculptor whose name sounds like the result of a bet his parents lost Gutzon Borglum (d. 1941), novelist & Nobel Prize laureate Pearl S. Buck (d. 1973), Russian-American "philosopher" and professional whiner Ayn Rand (d. 1982), painter and "flower" enthusiast Georgia O'Keeffe (d. 1986), singer-songwriter & guitarist Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse fame (d. 2010), singer-songwriter & guitarist Alvin Lee of Ten Years After fame (d. 2013), and surgeon & Tommy John surgery pioneer Frank Jobe (d. 2014)
Alright, on to the amusing links!
*****
1. 🍸 Sir, she bought you a drink. You know the rules!
Tess woman-spreads all over the place and explains the transactional nature of this "free" cocktail. Now be a good little boy and grab your rubber mallet and socket wrench set — that weird noise isn't going to fix itself!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook. But if you're looking for merch, just buy directly from a brand's website. These social media jabronis don't deserve to get a cut.
sdsd
2. 🗳️ And the nominee is...
Matt Buechele has thoughts on this that are funny, but less funny and more depressing is the fact that I literally wrote in "Lucifer Morningstar" on my ballot for a couple of uncontested seats the other day and am more confident in a fictional literary character's bona fides than those of whichever living, breathing jabroni just got elected because no one else felt like running against them.
Evy Kay reveals the secret to untold riches on social media (and killer banana bread)!
4. 🧙🏽♀️ If they didn't want to get eaten, they should've left the house made of candy alone
It's 2024, and social media users are still being judgmental AF about non-mainstream dietary choices. I thought we were past this!
5. 🧌 Riddle me this, taxpayer!
Gabe has run afoul of the tax troll, and while this is a comedy sketch, it sure does also seem rooted in fact. Shout out to Tess for writing some awful(ly funny) poetry!
*****
We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and thanks,
Matt
😓 And the hits keep coming...
I'm changing things up with our usual Boredwalk email format today. No product photos. No random holidays to enthuse about or make fun of. No notable historical events or famous birthdays to celebrate. No humorous GIFs supporting my inane ramblings. No customer Q&A.
I'm tapped out. Everyone here at Boredwalk is.
In case you missed it in our (since-deleted) Instagram post over the weekend, our offices were broken into and burglarized early Saturday morning for the second time in as many months.
We're pretty sure it was the same perpetrators of the first burglary on January 4th. We're also pretty sure the Whittier Police Department will be just as ineffectual in finding them as they were two months ago. As excited as the small army of SWAT officers who arrived on the scene shortly after the suspects left seemed at the prospect of being able to fill other humans with lead, they were equally disinterested in doing the less violent procedural tasks of taking crime scene photos and dusting for fingerprints.*
* Look, if you yourself or someone you know and care about works in law enforcement, please don't @ me about the above comment. I was actually here and saw how disappointed they all became when they confirmed the building was empty and realized they weren't going to be able to shoot someone and instead have to do actual police work. The unsubscribe link is right down below.
The reason I asked Meredith to delete the Instagram post is because in addition to the very kind words of sympathy and care we received in the comments and our DMs, there were many of instances of people giving a lot of unsolicited, uninformed, and wildly impractical "advice" about what we should do to prevent this from happening again. Well-intentioned though it may have been, it still stung to be confronted with a wall of notifications like that, as though these were all obvious and easy-to-implement solutions for a business of our size. And this, after having spent hours going through security cam footage with the police to file the incident report.
• Get a guard dog: Commercial leases, including ours, don't typically allow for that. This is an office park, not a scrap yard. The last thing we need is some snarling hellhound pooping all over the carpet and chewing all our Delve Decks and Grievance Journals and activity books to bits every night.
• Get a shotgun: A shotgun is only of use if I am physically present at the office to discharge it. I already am here 12+ hours a day, six day a week (seven this week, as I am here now typing this). I don't think it's reasonable to expect anyone to live at their office 24/7.
• Spend the night so someone is here to scare them off next time: See above. These degenerates don't really give us advance notice of when they plan to strike, so that would mean I just start living here around the clock indefinitely. Again, I don't think this is a reasonable or practical solution.
• Replace all the windows with steel: Again, we are renters, we don't own this building. The landlords will not allow us to make substantial changes to the construction of our unit. Plus, our lease is up in roughly 18 months. Spending tens of thousands of dollars on building upgrades for such a limited period of utility is not something we have the money for.
• Move to a more secure building: We are under lease until July 2025. Breaking that lease will be prohibitively expensive, as would paying for such a move, and this also assumes that other buildings in different areas will be more secure. They aren't. Criminals are literally everywhere. Even Mayberry had dozens of them on The Andy Griffith Show. This would also likely have a detrimental impact on our staff members. If our next office is very far from our current one, they may not be able or willing to make that commute on a daily basis, and we don't have many roles at Boredwalk that allow for working from home on a full-time basis, especially when it comes to printing shirts, towels, and bags, and packing & shipping orders. We all have great chemistry together and want to maintain that.
• Set up myriad booby traps, Home Alone-style: This is not a Hollywood movie, this is real life. I am 100% confident any booby traps we set up will only serve to injure myself or the other members of our staff.
• Get a private armed security guard to patrol the premises overnight: That's an extra 84 hours a week in payroll, and we do not have the budget for that, either (see below).
The other thing that a lot of the people leaving these comments seemingly fail to understand is that everything listed above costs money, and not an insignificant amount of it. We are already out the thousands of dollars in shirts that were stolen. Plus we will have to pay another insurance deductible to file a claim, not to mention the cost to replace the glass that they shattered in order to break in here.
That money has to come from somewhere; we can't just conjure it out of thin air like a wizard or the Federal Reserve. So that would entail either finding a LOT of new customers overnight who are willing to spend what we currently charge for our products, or raising our prices significantly.
We also get so many comments on our ads about how "high" our prices are already, but they really are not. We set our prices to be competitive with the rest of the market (read: similarly-sized businesses selling similar-ish products) and to cover the costs of the products themselves, the labor, the rent, the utilities, the shipping materials, and the marketing & advertising costs associated with putting our stuff in front of people (which are a LOT higher than folks seem to know), but people seem to believe Boredwalk prices should be in line with what they see at Walmart or Amazon or Temu or Shein. We are not any of those companies.
Boredwalk is a small business. We have been struggling mightily for several months, and we are on a knife's edge right now. Candidly, if there are items of ours you have had your eye on for a while, I would strongly consider ordering them now or in the near future and not just taking for granted that we will still be around and in business come November or December when you are looking to do holiday shopping. This is not a marketing ploy or a trick — this is just the reality of the situation.
Meredith and I love working on developing fun new products that delight our customers, but we have been struggling so much for months and months trying to shore up other areas of the business that are less exciting but just as (if not more) important to its ongoing function that we have not had time to even discuss new tee designs or Delve Deck expansions or our next activity books, let alone actually work on them.
We just get punched in the face in some new, unanticipated fashion each day. It's getting hard to want to even wake up in the morning.
Look, I'm sorry to slump into your inbox and whine about Boredwalk's problems to you, and on a Monday to boot. I hate doing it. I would much rather share funny jokes and unveil rad new tee designs and games and books that make you happy (or at least marginally happier).
We are still working (extremely, insanely) hard to turn things around. Hopefully we are able to do so. If not, it's been a pleasure sharing time in your inbox with you, whether you've been a subscriber for ten years or ten days.
Peace, love, and tacos,
Matt Snow
Chief Creative Officer / Co-founder
Boredwalk
National Day of Unplugging?! 🤨
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT
Look, if you've got the willpower to avoid the internet and legacy media for 24 hours, by all means power down your devices and spend today alone with your thoughts, but the fact that you're reading this right now does not bode well for your plans of thoughtful contemplation.
The good news is that, even if you fail in this endeavor, you have delicious consolation prizes waiting in the wings because today is also National Fruit Compote Day AND National Peanut Butter Lovers Day. Scrumdiddlyumptious!
While you're prepping said consoling confections, consider relaxing to the swinging sounds of Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Alice Coltrane, Sarah Vaughn, Nina Simone, Dinah Washington, Cassandra Wilson, and more — today is also National Black Women in Jazz and the Arts Day!
I doubt Queen Ella would put up with any internet idiocy were she still alive today.
GIF via Montreux Jazz Festival
*****
While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast!
This week Meredith and Gabe discuss the heroes and trolls that alternately praise and vilify Boredwalk on the internet.
This leads to an interesting conversation about the cognitive dissonance between the forms of creative work that are deemed acceptable to monetize and those that are not (See: Taylor Swift's forthcoming album The Tortured Poets Department and Boredwalk's Grievance Journal) and how social media platforms pay for themselves in a broader sense (See: running ads for products like Boredwalk's Grievance Journal).
Our co-hosts move on to reacting to fan answers to the Question of the Day — pulled from the Delve Deck — "what is the most underwhelming tourist trap you've ever seen?"
Responses ranged from newer weird regional roadside attractions in the U.S. to critically and culturally revered classic artworks.
Then Gabe & Meredith chime in with their own thoughts on the worst tourist traps they've encountered.
They wrap things up by trading answers to the Delve Deck Venting and Joy Edition questions "what is a problem you never seem to be able to solve?" and "what's your favorite sound?"
Get in on the action and listen to the hilarity on the platform of your choice!
*****
Here are a few historical tidbits and famous birthdays to kick off your weekend:
• In 1692 Sarah Good, Sarah Osborne, and Tituba were brought before local magistrates in Salem Village, Massachusetts, kicking off the shameful episode known as the Salem witch trials. If anyone needed to go traipsing naked through the forests and fields of New England tripping on fungally "enhanced" rye bread, it was those uptight magistrates.
• In 1845 President John Tyler signed a bill authorizing the annexation of the Republic of Texas
• In 1867 Nebraska was admitted as the 37th U.S. state. Happy birthday, huskers!
• In 1872 Yellowstone National Park was established as the world's first national park
• In 1893 engineer and science icon Nikola Tesla gave the first public demonstration of radio in St. Louis, Missouri
• Birthday treats all around for: Polish pianist & composer Frédéric Chopin (1810), trombonist, composer, and bandleader Glenn Miller (1904), sportscaster & hotdog enthusiast Harry Caray (1914), novelist & literary critic Ralph Ellison (1914), singer & actress Dinah Shore (1917), singer-songwriter & actor Harry Belafonte (1927), English singer-songwriter Roger Daltrey of rock legends The Who (1944), Canadian-American actor and composer Alan Thicke of Growing Pains fame (1947), actress Catherine Bach of The Dukes of Hazzard fame (1954), actor & filmmaker Ron Howard of Happy Days and countless movies fame (1954), Spanish actor Javier Bardem of No Country For Old Men fame (1969), actor Jensen Ackles of Supernatural fame (1978), and singer-songwriter Kesha (1987)
• Pour one out for: Shoemaker & political activist Homer Plessy (d. 1925). Even though the U.S. Supreme Court shamefully ruled against him in Plessy v. Ferguson, his activism was rewarded posthumously in 1954 when Brown v. Board of Education and subsequent decisions finally began eroding the legal standing of Jim Crow laws.
Also dribble a tipple for actor Jackie Coogan, the original Uncle Fester (d. 1984), and famed comic book artist and editor Archie Goodwin, who co-created Luke Cage and Spider-Woman (d. 1998)
*****
OK, that's it for this week!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A if any brave soul (perhaps you?) volunteers! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email, reply to this one and let us know!
Peace, love, and an idiot-free weekend,
Matt
What's with today today? 🤨
WELL, IT'S RORY COCHRANE'S BIRTHDAY, FOR ONE
The last time I used "What's with today today?" as an email subject line and failed to specifically mention the 1995 film Empire Records in the email — the movie from which the quote was pulled from — it did not go over well. We received a LOT of replies from subscribers who did not shy away from registering their disappointment.
As much as I love the movie (and, even more, its soundtrack), this was quite surprising given the film was released almost 30 years before I sent said email, and was an utter flop at the box office upon release. I just looked it up, and it only made $303,000! And it cost $10 MILLION to make!
Apparently the Venn diagram of Boredwalk's email list and the people who saw Empire Records in the theaters is essentially a circle, and the math backs this up — the average price of a movie ticket in 1995 was $4.35, and 303,000 ÷ 4.35 ≈ 69.5k, which is about how many people receive our emails.
SO, to all my fellow Empire Records dorks, this one's for you! Please reply and share your thoughts. But ONLY if you know unequivocally where those thoughts come from.
Happy birthday, Rory.
GIF via Empire Records / Warner Bros.
Weird holidays? We got 'em:
• Inconvenience Yourself Day — You mean "life?"
• National Chocolate Soufflé Day — Nothing says "inconvenience" like making chocolate consumption as stressful and anxiety-inducing as possible. Pro tip: skip the soufflé and just eat a chocolate bar.
• National Pancake Day — Perhaps the antithesis of the soufflé, the pancake can be as thin as a crepe or as fluffy as a spongy frisbee and satisfy your sweet tooth no matter how it turns out. As long as I can drown it in maple syrup, who cares?
• National Essay Day — If you've been reading Boredwalk's emails for a minute, you know we celebrate essays three days a week (though my AP Language & Composition teacher Ms Gazda might take issue with me describing... whatever this is... as an essay). Do they make for great marketing emails? Who can say? (My bank account can, and it says "no.") But they are (usually) fun to write!
Want a few interesting historical tidbits and famous birthdays from February 28ths of yore before we get to amusing links to brighten your day? Have at them:
• The final episode of M*A*S*H aired on this day in 1983 and was watched by almost 110 million viewers. For perspective, Super Bowl LVIII had an estimated 123.4 million viewers, but in 2024 the estimated US population is approximately 342 million versus 233.8 million in 1983.
So roughly 47% of the population tuned into the final episode of M*A*S*H compared to 36% of the population watching this year's Super Bowl, and without the benefit of streaming or widespread adoption of international satellite broadcasting. In summation, football is dumb. Long live baseball!
• Birthday pancakes (or chocolate soufflés, if you must) all around for: French philosopher, author, and original essayist Michel de Montaigne (1533), chemist, peace activist, and Nobel laureate Linus Pauling (1901), English guitarist, producer, and Rolling Stones founder Brian Jones (1942), English graphic designer Storm Thorgerson of Pink Floyd album cover fame (1944), football player and actor Bubba Smith of Police Academy film franchise fame (1945), actress, singer, and author Bernadette Peters of Broadway musical and The Jerk fame (1948), comedian, actor, and supplemental insurance enthusiast Gilbert Gottfried (1955), actor & director John Turturro, who is most notable for his work in the films of Spike Lee and the Coen brothers (1957), singer-songwriter Cindy Wilson of B-52s fame (1957), Canadian-American actress Rae Dawn Chong of Beat Street, The Color Purple, and Tales from the Dark Side fame (1961), actor Robert Sean Leonard of Dead Poets Society and House fame (1969), actor Rory Cochrane of Dazed and Confused and Empire Records fame (1972), and actress Ali Larter of Varsity Blues, Final Destination, Legally Blonde, and Heroes fame (1976)
Alright, on to the amusing links!
*****
1. 🐍 We don't hate men, we just hate "men."
True story: this video started going viral on TikTok the morning of Saturday 2/17 and we got a bunch of orders for the Female Gaze tee Tess is wearing in it. Yay!
But only for a few hours before TikTok flagged it with a policy violation for being "misleading." Boo!
What made it misleading? Well, we tagged the video with a link to the Female Gaze product listing in our TikTok Shop, and because Tess didn't explicitly mention the shirt she was wearing or tell people that they could buy it in our TikTok Shop they deemed the content "irrelevant" to the product that was tagged. Even though she is talking about gender politics in the video and the shirt featuring the mythical avatar of feminist rage occupies at least 50% of the frame throughout. sO miSLeAdiNg!
Show of hands: who has EVER opened the TikTok app on their phones HOPING it would be a never-ending scroll of "influencers" gushing about how "obsessed" they are with whatever product they're trying to sell like some sort of lo-fi QVC? Anyone? Anyone?!
Truly, this is the stupidest of timelines.
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook. But if you're looking for merch, just buy directly from a brand's website. These social media jabronis don't deserve to get a cut.
2. 🧐 Book recommendations that guarantee business success!
The content creators at Almost Friday TV list five books every "entrapranure" should read. The Scroll of Flesh to Coin sounds riveting!
3. 💸 Inflation is out of control
FlossyBaby accurately depicts my experience every time I check out at the grocery store now.
4. 😼 Cats rule, and councilmen drool!
Content creator Jenn, aka ThatGoodNewsGirl, makes videos highlighting uplifting news stories, so her whole account is worth a follow, but in this one she shares a story about how Browser the library cat got evicted from his job but ultimately was reinstated, much to the chagrin of the cranky cat-hating Texas councilman who initially pushed for Browser's ouster. Huzzah, Browser!
5. ♂️ How to manifest a hostile takeover
Gabe is the apex of alphas. He made gravity his b!†©h! Follow Boredwalk for more empowering knowledge!
*****
We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and soufflés pancakes,
Matt
Go back to where you came from! 👽
JUST FIX YOUR HOME PLANET AND STAY THERE!
Happy National Invasive Species Awareness Day! Fun fact: every species on this miserable mudball is already acutely aware of the most invasive species of all EXCEPT for the one that is doing the invading! Three guesses as to which one I'm referring to, but I have hunch you'll only need one.
Thank goodness brilliant walking talking viral loads Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are hard at work trying to export the carbon-based cancer that is humanity off-world. It's like they're trying to answer a question no one asked: "What if we took the universe but made it, y'know, significantly worse?"
This guy knows what I'm talking about:
Sure, he was a rogue computer program, but was Mr. Smith actually wrong? I think not.
GIF via The Matrix / Warner Bros. Pictures
*****
We FINALLY have a fun new customer Q&A down below from Julie L., but before we get to that, let's take note of some significant historical happenings and birthdays & deathdays from February 26ths of yore:
• In 1616 astronomer Galileo Galilei was formally banned by the Roman Catholic Church from teaching or defending heliocentrism (the view that Earth orbits the Sun). At the time it was believed that all celestial bodies orbited Earth. Typical Main Character Syndrome, even in the 17th century.
• In 1919 Grand Canyon National Park was established
• Ten years later in 1929 Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming followed suit
• Birthday cake all around for: French author, poet, and playwright Victor Hugo of The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and Les Misérables fame (1802), German-American fashion designer Levi Strauss (1829), soldier & hunter William "Buffalo Bill" Cody (1846), surgeon and cereal enthusiast John Harvey Kellogg of corn flake fame (1852), singer-songwriter & pianist Fats Domino (1928), singer-songwriter & guitarist Johnny Cash (1932), singer-songwriter Mitch Ryder (1945), singer and psychotherapist Sandie Shaw of "(There's) Always Something There to Remind Me" fame (1947), singer-songwriter Michael Bolton (1953), Rage Against The Machine & Audioslave bassist Tim Commerford (1968), singer-songwriter, producer, and actress Erykah Badu (1971), and Swedish-American record producer & songwriter Max Martin (1971)
• Pour one out for: Comedy legend Bill Hicks (d. 1994)
*****
OK, scroll on down to learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan & customer Julie! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and self-awareness,
Matt
*****
Julie looking well-read in her Ban The Fascists Save The Books tee!
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
"Darling, I have no dream job, I do not dream of labor!" 😉
(Editor's note: Fair point.)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Slow drivers in the fast lane— keep up or get out of the way!
3. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
I've been recommending Legends and Lattes a lot recently— If you're a fan of T.J. Klune, you'll probably enjoy this!
4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
The ability to manipulate probability. For example: likelihood that I win the mega-millions lottery? 100%, likelihood of stepping in fox poo when I walk my dog in the dark at 5AM? 0%
(Editor's note: This is one of the most creative and unique answers to this question we've ever received. Well done! Not too many Longshot references out there.)
5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
He would get shocked every time he touched something. Just a constant overload of static electricity.
(Editor's note: Interesting that you went with male pronouns specifically here...)
6. If you could make a mundane wish (meaning, a wish for something seemingly inconsequential that you still believe would benefit you immensely), what would it be for?
I wish foxes didn't poo on sidewalks in areas where there are no streetlights.
(Editor's note: Awfully demanding for an invasive species, but OK.) 🤣
7. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I would love to be able to visit every country in the world.
8. What is something you wish you could go back in time and say to your younger self?
I beg you, do not perm your hair! 😩
9. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
Corsets: the vast majority of women did not tight lace their corsets, and they would very often add padding to the bust and hip areas in order to achieve the popular silhouette at the time. Also, MEN wore corsets too!
10. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
Comeuppance 😒
IT'S INTERNATIONAL STAND UP TO BULLYING DAY 🥺
While I think today's random occasion has its heart in the right place, this seems like one of those problems that just isn't going anywhere.*
* See: story this week about non-binary teen Nex Benedict who died after being assaulted by their classmates in a high school restroom.
Sometimes people end up the way you'd expect, though. I googled my middle school bully several years ago and the only thing that came up was her mugshot.
This girl had the build of a linebacker even in the 7th grade and towered over me, tripping me in the hall and doing her best to try to make me miserable. I was entirely too small to do any standing up to her at the time, but it sounds like karma caught up to her eventually. If only karma were on a tighter timeline.
I hope whichever bullies made your life difficult as a kid are having the day they deserve now.
Sometimes it's the only thought, Taylor.
GIF via Taylor Swift
*****
While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast!
This week Tess and I lamented the soggy L.A. weather reflecting the generally cursed vibe of 2024 thus far. Turns out targeted social media ads and organic content are no help in this regard! Just an endless doom scroll of posts about war-torn Gaza and Ukraine, endangered & neglected animals, and environmental catastrophe. What fun!
This discussion of the present dystopia led to us pondering whether or not we are actually in Hell, and curiosity as to what each of us did in our past lives to warrant such torment.
Fittingly, Tess lightened the mood with a 5-star review of Boredwalk's darkly humorous dystopian activity book Adventures in the Abyss. If you can't leave the hellscape, you may as well laugh at it, right?
Things have been mercifully subdued on the internet troll front, but that is largely to do with social media platform shenanigans on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, which I explain in an exasperated but (hopefully) amusing fashion.
Moving along, Tess read fan responses to our recent Question of the Day "What life experience drastically changed your thinking on something?" and she and I share our own answers. Strap in, because we got deep!
We wrapped things up by trading questions & answers from the Venting and Joy editions of the Delve Deck! First we respond to the query "What is your least favorite home decor trend?" and then close things out with "What have you watched recently that you can't stop recommending?"
Get in on the action and listen to the hilarity on the platform of your choice!
*****
Here are a few historical tidbits and famous birthdays to kick off your weekend:
• Scientists announced the first successful cloning of an animal on this day in 1997 (this animal is referenced in our 1990s activity book, which you should definitely get if you don't have it yet and want to get nostalgic about the 1990s).
• The Tootsie Roll was introduced on this day in 1896. Thank goodness better candy options have come along since!
Birthday shoutouts for composer George Frideric Handel (1685), activist W.E.B. Du Bois (1868), actor Peter Fonda (1940), singer-songwriter Howard Jones (1955), actress Niecy Nash (1970), actress Emily Blunt (1983), and actress Dakota Fanning (1994)
*****
OK, that's it for this week!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and FINALLY a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email, reply to this one and let us know!
Peace, love, and karma,
Meredith
Something sticky 👀
IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR FILL OF SUGARY TREATS LAST WEEK, IT'S NATIONAL STICKY BUN DAY
Yeah, we're talking gooey yeasty sticky pastries, perhaps loaded with nuts and maple syrup for good measure. What's not to love?
Our Delve Deck Joy Edition asks what dessert you'll always order if it's on the menu, and some sort of cinnamon roll or sticky bun is at the top of my list. It's a dopamine rush in edible form.
If you could use a little treat to brighten your day, perhaps a Delve Deck Joy Edition or some other fun item from our site, you can get FREE US SHIPPING on any order today with code STICKY at check out.
Sticky buns may not solve your problems, but they will momentarily distract you from them. Take what you can get. 🤷♀️
GIF via Rosanna Pansino
Want a few interesting historical tidbits and famous birthdays before we get to amusing links to brighten your day? Have at them:
• The peace symbol was designed by Gerald Holtom on this day in 1958. The symbol was commissioned by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND) and combines the semaphore symbols for the letters N and D - an abbreviation of "Nuclear Disarmament"
• The world's first telephone book was issued in New Haven, Connecticut on this day in 1878. If you are too young to remember telephone books, go ask your parents about these behemoths.
• The New Yorker magazine began publication on this day in 1925
• The first Legend of Zelda game was released on this day in 1986
• Birthday sticky buns all around for: fashion designer Christian Dior (1905), author Erma Bombeck (1927), actress of Golden Girls fame Rue McClanahan (1934), singer-songwriter Nina Simone (1933), actor Alan Rickman (1946), singer-songwriter Mary Chapin Carpenter (1958), actress Jennifer Love Hewitt (1979), actor/filmmaker Jordan Peele (1979), and actor Elliott Page (1987)
Alright, on to the main course: amusing links to brighten your day...
*****
1. 😈️ Can men and women just be friends?
Tess and Gabe from Boredwalk's content team might not think so, but they have some very different reasons why!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🤖 Watch out for Alexa, she has an agenda
Humorist Emily Morrow imagines the robot uprising we're all dreading/expecting.
3. 💀 Are you attempting to blend in with the human population?
Horror/humor creator Ashur Gharavi has some ideas for you. I have to admit, I was transfixed by Ashur's content and binged all of his videos. If you like super bizarre funny spooky content (and if you're a Boredwalk fan, I bet you do) you'll probably enjoy a lot of his content.
4. 😆 If planet Earth were on a dating app
Humor creator Hila imagines what Earth's dating profile would say to try to get some right swipes.
5. 🧙 Why Terry the gnome finds himself in the corner
Terry isn't getting his gnome bacon due to his dark magic antics. Will he learn his lesson? Doubtful.
*****
We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and pastries,
Meredith
There's an entire week for pancakes?! 🥞
SIGN. ME. UP!
Happy National Pancake Week! If anything could possibly snap me out of the interminable malaise of winter, it would an entire week dedicated to this fluffy, spongy, delicately sweet conveyance for maple syrup.
Why indeed, Leslie.
GIF via NBC / Parks And Recreation
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However, in case starchy breakfast treats aren't your thing, today is also:
• National Chocolate Mint Day. An infinitely superior flavor pairing to that of chocolate and orange, I'll be celebrating with some After Eights tonight. It's also Girl Scout Cookie season, so Thin Mints are an excellent alternative!
• National Airboat Day. Ugh, seriously?! Hard pass. Anything that is both obnoxiously loud AND designed to put me closer to the mouths of alligators is not to be celebrated.
• National Vet Girls Rock Day. Now we're talking! Thanks to the over 2 million female veterans in the U.S. for their service. Including our dearly departed Bea Arthur! Dorothy the Golden Girl served as a truck driving Staff Sergeant in the Marine Corps during WWII.
February 19th's historical happenings of note:
• In 1847 the first group of rescuers reached the Donner Party. Grisly!
• In 1878 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. I'm more of a Nikola Tesla stan, but props to Tommy boy for inventing the device that would eventually lead to music in my earballs.
• In 1963 Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique was published, contributing to the reawakening of the feminist movement in the United States.
• Birthday pancakes and/or chocolate mints all around for: Actor Lee Marvin of The Wild One and The Dirty Dozen fame (1924), singer-songwriter & producer Smokey Robinson of Motown hit-making fame (1940), singer-songwriter and Smokey's partner in The Miracles Bobby Rogers (1940), English guitarist & songwriter Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath fame (1948), novelist Amy Tan of The Joy Luck Club fame (1952), actor & playwright Jeff Daniels of Dumb & Dumber fame (1955), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Dave Wakeling of new wave luminaries The (English) Beat and General Public (1956), Austrian musician Falco of "Rock Me Amadeus" fame (1957), English author & Screenwriter Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones's Diary fame (1958), actor Leslie David Baker, aka Stanley on The Office (1958), English keyboardist Steve Nieve of Elvis Costello's backing band The Attractions (1958), English singer-songwriter Seal of "Crazy" and "Kiss From a Rose" fame (1963), actress Justine Bateman of Family Ties fame (1966), Puerto Rican actor & filmmaker Benicio del Toro (1967), singer-songwriter Beth Ditto of The Gossip (1981), and English actress Millie Bobby Brown of Stranger Things fame (2004)
• Pour one out for: Jazz trumpeter & composer Lee Morgan (d. 1972), Scottish-Australian singer-songwriter Bon Scott of AC/DC (d. 1980), actor, producer, and screenwriter Harris Wittels of Parks and Recreation and Comedy Bang! Bang! fame (d. 2015), Italian novelist Umberto Eco (d. 2016), and author Harper Lee of To Kill a Mockingbird fame (d. 2016)
OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and pancakes,
Matt
🗑️ This goes out to the grouches
WHO DOESN'T LOVE THE SMELL OF DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE MORNING?
Today's random occasion is Do-A-Grouch-A-Favor Day which encourages you to do something nice for someone grumpy.
I am often grumpy and would LOVE for the universe to do ME a favor and stop making everything terrible. If you are also prone to misfortune and the attendant crankiness that comes with it, I hope the universe cuts you some slack today.
Oscar realizing he should have just stayed in his trashcan today. I know that feeling.
GIF via PBS Kids
*****
While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast!
This week Meredith & Tess revel in Taylor Swift's ruination of the Super Bowl for fragile men!
Tess then plots what she is going to do with the preposterous amount of grapefruit her partner Trevor was scammed into purchasing by his ex-coworker's child. Meredith is dealing with the same issue, but with lemons, and instead of an annoying child it is Mother Nature herself doing the scamming by virtue of the lemon tree in her yard.
Moving on, Tess reads a nice review from a customer raving about her Lurk Laugh Loathe hoodie. Yay! However, then we get a visit from the land of trolls — always an interesting peek into the psyches of idiots.
Tess then reads fan responses to the recent Question of the Day "What do people often wrongly assume about you?" before providing her own answers. That's right, answers plural! Tess contains multitudes! Meredith chimes in with her own. Interestingly, both of their answers deal with their respective heights and the assumptions people make based on their size!
They wrap up by trading answers to the Delve Deck questions "where is the most annoying place to go?" and "if you could wave a magic wand and make something more popular, what would you choose?"
Get in on the action and listen to the hilarity on the platform of your choice!
*****
Alright, this is normally the part of the email where I tell you about interesting historical facts and famous birthdays, but February 16th has slim pickings, unless you think it's riveting that on this day in 1861 Abraham Lincoln thanked an 11 year old girl for advising him to grow a beard to gain more votes.*
* Okay I guess that's mildly interesting. I didn't know he didn't always have that beard or that he grew it at the behest of an 11 year old to gain votes. I assumed he was born with a beard and that 11 year olds were too busy working in coal mines to be political consultants in the 19th century.
Birthday shoutouts for Reading Rainbow host LeVar Burton (1957), rapper Ice-T (1958), tennis player John McEnroe (1959), who is only getting a shoutout for his involvement in the TV series Never Have I Ever** because I don't care about tennis, and rapper/vowel hater*** The Weeknd (1990)
** Never Have I Ever is an endearing coming of age show about an Indian-American teenage girl on Netflix that is totally worth watching if you want a reasonably funny cute sit-com to watch that feels more cable than network TV.
*** I assume he hates vowels since he excised one from his name. I guess he had his fill of the letter E and figured we'd all just deal with it, and we have, so good on him I guess.
OK, that's it for this week!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and grouching,
Meredith
Something sweet for you 🥰
A HOLIDAY FOR EATING CANDY? I'LL TAKE IT!
Halloween was months ago and we've been steadfast in sticking to our New Year's resolutions (right?!), so it's obviously time for a fresh sugar buzz for all of us. Valentine's Day to the rescue! While you're busy scarfing down fancy chocolates today, here's some savings to wash down those treats.
Today and TODAY ONLY take 14% off your order with code VDAY14 at check out.
This is what would happen if I got a job at a chocolate factory.
GIF courtesy of CBS / I Love Lucy
Want a few interesting historical tidbits and famous birthdays before we get to amusing links to brighten your day? Here's a few:
• The first photograph of a US President — specifically James Polk — was taken in Washington, DC on this day in 1849
• The original Dracula film starring Bela Lugosi as the titular vampire premiered on this day in 1931
• Arizona was admitted as the 48th state of the United States on this day in 1912
• Youtube.com was launched on this day in 2005
• Birthday chocolate all around for: African-American abolitionist, lecturer, and editor Frederick Douglass (1818), actress Florence Henderson of The Brady Bunch fame (1934), reporter/Watergate sleuth Carl Bernstein (1944), illusionist Teller of Penn & Teller fame (1948), actress Meg Tilly of Psycho II and The Big Chill fame (1960), actor Simon Pegg of Shaun of the Dead fame (1970), singer-songwriter Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 fame (1972), and actor Freddie Highmore of Bates Motel fame (1992; who knew Valentine's Day was so big in the Psycho canon?)
Alright, on to the main course: amusing links to brighten your day...
*****
1. ❤️️ What's in and out for Valentine's Day 2024
Tess from Boredwalk's content team is doing some trend forecasting for V-Day 2024, and it's as wickedly funny as you'd expect. Be sure to comment and let her know if you agree!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
Humorist Elle Cordova imagines what the fonts are thinking when Calibri gets demoted.
3. 😹 This kitty is hangry and indiscriminate
Ever seen a big orange cat aggressively devouring cucumber? You're about to! Reminds me of something my dearly departed big orange cat Bigby would do; that guy would've eaten literally anything. Turn sound on to get the full effect of this cat's weirdo grumbles and munching sound effects.
4. 😆 When trying to help a stranger takes a turn
This sketch about getting in the car with strangers has more twists than a pretzel, enjoy!
5. 🐈 Delightfully wholesome minimalist comic about life with a cat
Here's a sweet little comic about caring for a cat by indie artist iamsitting.
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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and sweets,
Meredith