News
🏈 When your team loses the big game, remember:
EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY. INCLUDING THE OFFSEASON.
Chin up, Niners fans! There's always next year! If nothing else, you can now give your full attention to the Warriors and the Giants until September. So, uh... y'know... shake it off. (Too soon?)
And congrats, Chiefs fans! The Taylor Swift Conspiracy worked exactly as planned! I hope she and Travis enjoy their much deserved trip to Disney World/Land/Census Designated Place. They've earned it!
Every weird misogynist that's been suffering from TDS (Taylor Derangement Syndrome) for the last several months, probably.
GIF via NBC / The Office
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Two things to celebrate today as you recover from your Super Bowl hangover (yeah, I SAID IT! Screw your "big game" nonsense, Goodell! Come at me!):
• National Freedom To Marry Day, which celebrates the day in 2004 when then-mayor Gavin Newsom directed the city of San Francisco to begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples
• National Plum Pudding Day, because who doesn't want to celebrate bizarrely named English desserts full of fruits other than actual plums?
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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous February 12th historical events and notable birthdays:
• In 1733 James Oglethorpe founded Georgia, the 13th of the original colonies that would eventually become the United States, when he settled at Savannah
• In 1909 the NAACP was founded
• Birthday plum pudding all around for: English geologist and theorist Charles Darwin (1809), lawyer and 16th President of the United States Abraham Lincoln (1809), French engineer, businessman, and automobile manufacturer Louis Renault (1877), NBA legend Bill Russell (1934), author & educator Judy Blume (1938), singer-songwriter & keyboard player Ray Manzarek of The Doors (1939), computer scientist, engineer, and futurist Ray Kurzweil (1948), actor & talk show host Arsenio Hall (1956), actor Josh Brolin of The Goonies fame (1968), singer Chynna Phillips of Wilson Phillips fame (1968), filmmaker Darren Aronofsky of Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler, and Black Swan fame (1969), rapper Gucci Mane (1980), and actress Christina Ricci (1980)
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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and plum pudding,
Matt
🤏🏽 We have had it up to here...
...WITH 2024'S BULLSHIRT
Here's hoping you have a bullshirt-free weekend! I myself have been dealing with entirely too much bullshirt since the start of this cursed year, so hopefully a respite is nearly at hand for me, too.
In case you were not aware, there are some random holidays being observed today!
First up is National Cut The Cord Day, which seemed more worthy of celebration in the previous decade before every major Hollywood studio decided to slap a "+" after their name and charge $10/mo to watch things we've already seen dozens, if not hundreds, of times.
Remember when the streaming space was basically just Netflix, Hulu, and something-something Prime? Virtually everything ever filmed was available between those three platforms for like $20/mo.
Now we're back to paying cable prices to access the same amount of content, with the added inconvenience of having to login to each service with a strong password comprised of a billion weird characters using a single-button remote. By the time you're logged in, you've forgotten what you wanted to watch in the first place! Isn't modern living fun?!
Massage all you want, Charlie, it only gets worse from here!
GIF courtesy It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia / FX / Hulu
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Don't worry, though — today is also National Pizza Day! Callooh, callay!
It's also National Toothache Day, which honestly is very much a bummer, so if one arises I plan to just rub some pizza on it and see if that helps.
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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast!
This week Meredith & Tess pay tribute to the insect mass grave that keeps appearing in the same spot in our recording studio each week. This sparks debate on whether the cause is scientific or supernatural in origin. Opinions are split!
Tess then shares a review of Boredwalk's Good Company guest book, which sparks a discussion about marketing fails. This leads into a fun dissection of recent troll comments — delightful!
They then react to fan response to the recent Question of the Day "what is your favorite emotion?" before sharing their own answers.
The episode wraps up with a rant from Tess about commercial audition requirements before she and Meredith trade answers to questions from the Delve Deck Venting and Joy Editions: "What ruined an enjoyable hobby for you?" and "what is your favorite memory?"
Meredith talks about the conundrum of being a feminist horror fan, and Tess reveals her best concert-going experience ever — and it shockingly was NOT opening night of Taylor Swift's Eras tour! Tap here to listen to all of the things!
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Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from February 9ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you!
• In 1942 year-round Daylight saving time (i.e., the summer one) was reinstated in the U.S. as a wartime measure to help conserve energy resources.
Reinstated?! You mean this was just the normal, sane way we lived, we got rid of it, brought it back, and then got rid of it again?
Look, I get that there are some people that enjoy living like Morlocks in the dank, depressing clutches of standard time so they can get their precious "extra" hour of sleep, but they're like the folks who love Hawaiian pizza: I acknowledge that they exist and are entitled to their terrible opinions, but I prefer that they just keep it to themselves so the rest of us can continue moving society forward. Down with standard time! Do it for the environment! #DST4life
• In 1961 The Beatles — performing as "Lunchtime" — gave their first performance at Liverpool's Cavern Club following their return from Hamburg.
• In 1964 The Beatles — them again! — made their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show, performing to a then-record setting audience of 73 million viewers across the U.S.
• In 1971 Satchel Paige became the first Negro league player to be voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame
• Birthday pizza all around — even Hawaiian, if they insist — for: English-American philosopher, author, and activist Thomas Paine of Common Sense fame (1737), Peruvian-American artist Alberto Vargas of pin-up painting fame (1896), Portuguese-Brazilian entertainer and large hat enthusiast Carmen Miranda (1909), renowned sci-fi & fantasy artist Frank Frazetta of Fire & Ice fame (1928), singer-songwriter Carole King of Tapestry fame (1942), actor Joe Pesci of Raging Bull, Goodfellas, and Home Alone fame (1943), novelist Alice Walker of The Color Purple fame (1944), actress Mia Farrow of Rosemary's Baby fame (1945), actress Judith Light of Who's The Boss? and Transparent fame (1949), English singer-songwriter & bassist Holly Johnson of Frankie Goes to Hollywood fame (1960), journalist, screenwriter, and TV producer David Simon of The Wire fame (1960), actor, producer, and screenwriter Charlie Day of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia fame (1976), English actor Tom Hiddleston (1981), and actor Michael B. Jordan of Creed, The Wire, and Black Panther fame (1987)
• Pour one out for: Singer-songwriter & guitarist Bill Haley of "Rock Around The Clock", "See You Later, Alligator", and "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" fame (d. 1981), Frisbee inventor Walter Frederick Morrison (d. 2010), and jazz composer Chick Corea (d. 2021)
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OK, that's it for this week! Meredith and I are extremely eager to get back to working on new art and other products for you, but other more tedious and less fun aspects of running Boredwalk are preventing us from doing so. Soon! (We hope.)
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and less bullshirt,
The key to mental health? Find out inside! 🧠
SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES...
AND THEN IGNORING THEM
Happy National Girls and Women in Sports Day! Fitting that this is mere days away from Caitlin Clark breaking the all-time women's college basketball scoring record! Something else sportsball related is happening this weekend, but it escapes me...
Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from February 7ths of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it's a happy one full of celebratory delights!
• In 1497 Florentine supporters of ascetic Dominican friar and noted buzzkill Girolamo Savonarola burned cosmetics, art, and books in a "bonfire of the vanities." This is why we can't have nice things: religious weirdos are always setting fire to our coolest stuff — books, art, music, witches, etc.!
• In 1992 the Maastricht Treaty was signed, leading to the creation of the European Union. Only took a few thousand years for them to learn the lesson "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"
• In 2013 Mississippi officially certified the 13th Amendment, becoming the last U.S. state to approve the abolition of slavery. Yikes. Better late than never, I guess? But also: woof. Do better, Mississippi.
• Birthday cake all around for: English lawyer & philosopher Sir Thomas More of Utopia fame (1478), blacksmith, businessman, and plowing enthusiast John Deere of riding lawn mower fame (1804), English novelist & critic Charles Dickens of "look, you know the books, I'm not listing them all here" fame (1812), author and prairie enthusiast Laura Ingalls Wilder of "look, you know the books, I'm not listing them all here" fame (1867), Irish shipbuilder Thomas Andrews of RMS Titanic fame/infamy (1873), actor/80s teen movie villain James Spader (1960), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and friend of people in low places Garth Brooks (1962), English comedian, actress, and producer Suzy Izzard (1962), actor, comedian, and filmmaker Chris Rock (1965), rapper & producer J Dilla (1974), actress Tina Majorino of Napoleon Dynamite and Veronica Mars fame (1985), and actress Deborah Ann Woll of True Blood and Daredevil fame (1985)
• Pour one out for: Jazz singer & pianist Blossom Dearie (d. 2009), and Major League Baseball Hall of Fame outfielder, manager, and 2-time World Series champion Frank Robinson (d. 2019)
The way Boredwalk's year is going, you'd think Thomas Andrews built our company, too.
GIF courtesy of Titanic / Paramount Pictures
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 🛋️ Boundaries? Those are the things made to be broken, right?
The doctor is in... and he has had about enough of our bull****!
We were VERY pleased to have our friend Ky stop by Boredwalk HQ last week to shoot some content! Be sure to give him a like, a follow, and watch ALL of the things wherever you consume content. Links to all of @TheVibeWithKy's social accounts can be found here.
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🏰 Disney never seemed so sinister!
Voice actor & content creator Lucas pulls back the curtain to show us what REALLY happens during pitch meetings at Disney.
3. 😹 When positive feelings are too intense...
... you may be suffering from cute aggression! YouTuber Anthony Vincent will explain.
4. 😟 Self-checkout stressing you out?
Voice actor Tawny Platis has just what you need to get through this harrowing ordeal.
5. 🥣 Trader Joe's is the best!
Sketch comic and content creator Davie Bailsig breaks it all down for us! (Just don't mention the cereal. Or the parking.)
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Winter weather headed your way? 🥶
WE HAVE JUST THE SOLUTION FOR YOU
Happy Rain-ageddon from soggy Los Angeles! I have to imagine that after getting pummeled by "atmospheric rivers" for two consecutive winters, any southern Californian who interacts with singer-songwriter Albert Hammond, Sr. would accuse him of selling us all a false bill of goods. It most certainly DOES rain in southern California.
Thankfully our office is slightly elevated, so we should be dry enough to continue printing shirts and packing up orders without issue, but as the shirt up top says, maybe worrying about it will help? Seems like sound advice, so I'll be fretting my way slowly down the 605 this morning in case anyone needs to get ahold of me.
No, this is not Albert Hammond, Sr. of "It Never Rains In Southern California" fame. It is his son Albert Hammond, Jr. of Strokes and solo career fame, which is the closest Albert Hammond in GIF form I could get. They look pretty similar, though, so this'll do in a pinch.
GIF via Red Bull Records (because apparently Red Bull also gives you record contracts in addition to wings)
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We have quite a smorgasbord of random occasions to observe today, so let's get celebrating! It is:
• International Clash Day (the English punk band, not a celebration of geo-political conflict)
• Disaster Day (if this rain keeps up that's exactly what we'll have here in SoCal!)
• National Chocolate Fondue Day
• National Fart Day
• National Shower With A Friend Day
I imagine eating too much chocolate fondue could lead to farts, which could lead to a disastrous clash with your bestie if you let one rip while showering together, so, uh, eat wisely I guess?
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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous February 5th historical events and notable birthdays:
• In 1907 Belgian chemist Leo Baekeland announced the creation of Bakelite, the world's first synthetic plastic. Vintage household items made of Bakelite have since become popular collectibles.
• In 1919 actors & filmmakers Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, and D.W. Griffith launched the production and distribution company United Artists
• In 1971 NASA's Apollo 14 mission completed a landing of a crew of astronauts in the lunar highlands
• Birthday chocolate all around for: Beat Generation novelist & essayist William S. Burroughs (1914), famed session drummer Hal Blaine, who played on 150 U.S. Top 10 hits and 40 #1 hits (1929), baseball Hall of Famer Henry "Hammerin' Hank" Aaron (1934), Swiss artist H.R. Giger of Alien film franchise and Danzig and Emerson, Lake, and Palmer album cover fame (1940), singer-songwriter & pianist Barrett Strong of "Money (That's What I Want)" fame, among many others (1941), Atari, Inc. and Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre founder Nolan Bushnell (1943), English actress Charlotte Rampling (1946), engineer & astronaut Mary L. Cleave (1947), actor & filmmaker Christopher Guest of This Is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, Best In Show, A Mighty Wind, and Waiting for Guffman fame (1948), English actor Tom Wilkinson of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Batman Begins fame (1948), actor & screenwriter Tim Meadows of Saturday Night Live, The Ladies Man, and Mean Girls fame (1961), actress & filmmaker Jennifer Jason Leigh of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Single White Female, Backdraft, and Weeds fame (1962), actress Laura Linney of The Truman Show, The Big C, Love Actually, and Ozark fame (1964), bassist & singer-songwriter Duff McKagan of Guns n' Roses and Velvet Revolver fame (1964), actor & comedian Chris Parnell of Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock fame (1967), Puerto Rican-American baseball Hall of Fame second baseman Roberto Alomar (1968), singer-songwriter Bobby Brown of New Edition and solo career fame (1969), Welsh actor & director Michael Sheen of Underworld and Twilight film franchise and Masters of Sex fame (1969), and programmer and creator of LiveJournal Brad Fitzpatrick (1980)
• Pour one out for: Actor and inspiration for The Simpsons' Troy McClure Doug McClure (d. 1995). You may remember him from such TV shows as The Virginian and Out of This World and such films as Gidget, At the Earth's Core, The Land That Time Forgot, The People The Time Forgot, and Warlords of Atlantis.
Also pour one out for actor Kirk Douglas of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Spartacus, The Fury, The Man from Snowy River, and The Final Countdown fame (d. 2020), and Canadian actor Christopher Plummer of The Sound of Music, Starcrash, Somewhere in Time, Dragnet, and An American Tail fame (d. 2021)
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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and melted chocolate,
Matt
❄️ We'll give you a winter prediction:
IT'S GONNA BE COLD, IT'S GONNA BE GREY, AND IT'S — EH, YOU GET IT.
Happy Groundhog Day! I have it on good authority that our prognosticating pal Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow up on Gobbler's Knob this morning (regardless of what the internet claims), so prepare to enjoy another 6 infinities of misery!
Our other friend Phil — a prognosticator of weather — has the forecast for us! What say you, Phil?
Same as it ever was!
Forgive my exhaustion with existence, but I'm writing this after 75+ minutes on chat support with "Miguel" over at Meta to figure out why their vaunted algorithm elected to replace our Facebook & Instagram Shop banner that was something normal — like, y'know, a product photo — with a generic sizing chart graphic.
Miguel's answer? "Who can say why robots do the things they do?"
You're right, Miguel! Clearly not me! Clearly not you! Clearly not even Zuck. He's FAR too busy kickboxing some lackey in the face on a private beach in Hawaii to worry himself with petty human concerns like making sure his $120 BILLION dollar product works properly for his paying customers like some jabroni at Boredwalk (aka me)!
Anyway, enough of my whining about all my terrible life decisions!
Moving on to other topics...Happy National Catchers Day! We are a mere week away from when pitchers and catchers begin reporting to their various Spring Training facilities, and right now baseball season is pretty much the ONLY thing I have to look forward to, so huzzah to you, catchers!
My favorite factoid about catchers is that their equipment is derisively nicknamed "the tools of ignorance," in reference to the irony that a player with the intelligence to be effective at his job behind the plate would be foolish enough to play a position requiring so much safety gear.
🍫 Candy is dandy...
...BUT BRANDY ALEXANDERS
ARE QUICKER 🍸
Happy National Hot Chocolate Day! And if you're of the opinion that candy is dandy but liquor is quicker, Happy Brandy Alexander Day!
Fun fact: the Brandy Alexander was John Lennon's favorite tipple, and his carousing pal Harry Nilsson is who introduced them to him!
It is also Eat Your Brussels Sprouts Day, if that interests you, I guess.
Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 31sts of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of chocolatey delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)
• On this day in 1988 Doug Williams became the first Black quarterback to play in a Super Bowl, as he led my hometown Washington Commanders to victory over the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXII. I was only a tyke at the time, but I remember being pretty stoked about this.
• Birthday hot chocolate all around for: Dentist and Western novelist Zane Grey of Riders of the Purple Sage fame (1872), baseball icon and Hall of Fame second baseman Jackie Robinson (1919), actress, singer, and dancer Carol Channing of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Hello, Dolly! fame (1921), journalist & author Norman Mailer (1923), Chicago Cubs Hall of Fame infielder Ernie "Let's play two!" Banks (1931), singer-songwriter Harry Wayne Casey of disco luminaries K.C. and the Sunshine Band (1951), English singer-songwriter John Lydon of the Sex Pistols and Public Image, Ltd. (1956), Scottish author & screenwriter Grant Morrison of The Invisibles fame (1960), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Lloyd Cole (1961), English singer-songwriter & actress Minnie Driver of Good Will Hunting, Grosse Pointe Blank, and The Riches fame (1970), actress Kerry Washington of Scandal fame (1977), and singer-songwriter & actor Justin Timberlake of gaslighting Britney fame (1981)
• Pour out a Brandy Alexander for: English conspirator and mask inspiration Guy Fawkes (d. 1606), English author, poet, and playwright A.A. Milne of Winnie-the-Pooh fame (d. 1956), and Motown composer & songwriter Anna Gordy Gaye (d. 2014)
Look, the mask that bears his name is cool an' all, but let's not forget that this stylish edgelord was really just a religious zealot who was executed for trying to replace Protestant King James with his 9-year old daughter Elizabeth and then force her to marry some crusty old Catholic dude of his choosing. Smells like textbook patriarchal establishmentarianism to me!
GIF courtesy of V for Vendetta / Warner Bros. Pictures
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 🧙🏼♀️ Tess has a fever...
...and the only prescription is moving to a secluded castle in the forest!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🐶 Cute dog! Is it a charcuterie?
Matt Conaghan is a freshly minted thousandaire, and he is here to brag about his recent windfall!
3. 🍝 When you're here, you're miserable!
Actor & comedian Chaz May portrays a day in the life of an Olive Garden patron.
Comedy creator Tyler Bender walks us through the next diet craze that will be sweeping the nation: Red 40 maxing!
5. 🦙 Boyfriend trouble? Replace him with a llama!
Next time the pocket-hoarding man in your life gives you grief about carrying your stuff, just remind him how replaceable he is.
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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
In case you're puzzled 🧩
IT'S NATIONAL PUZZLE DAY!
Did you know solving puzzles is actually good for you? Solving puzzles fosters a sense of accomplishment, releasing dopamine in your brain, which makes you feel happier. Plus, solving puzzles stimulates your brain, improving memory, cognitive function, and problem solving skills in the process.
That makes today a perfect occasion to get our adult activity books, Adventures in the Abyss or Whatever! Both books are loaded with logic puzzles, crossword puzzles, word searches, math puzzles, cryptograms, mazes, word jumbles, coloring pages, and more!
(If you're not in the mood to celebrate puzzles you could also celebrate Curmudgeons Day and Freethinkers Day.)
Wow, okay, Valentine's Day is next month, but if you do need Valentine's Day gift ideas, check out the Delve Decks! Couples that have been together for decades tell us playing with them makes them feel like they're dating again. How romantic, we love to see it!
GIF via Giphy
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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous January 29th historical events and notable birthdays:
• Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published in the New York Evening Mirror on this day in 1845
• Kansas became the 34th US state on this day in 1861
• The Coca-Cola Company incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia on this day in 1892
• The Rubik’s Cube made its international debut at the Ideal Toy Corp. in Earl’s Court, London on this day in 1980
• Birthday cake all around for: writer/philosopher Thomas Paine of Common Sense pamphlet fame (1737), 25th US President William McKinley (1843), Russian author & playwright Anton Chekhov of "Chekhov's gun" literary device fame (1860), actor W.C. Fields (1880), actor John Forsythe of Charlie's Angels and Dynasty fame (1918), actor Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. fame (1945), talk show host/actress Oprah Winfrey (1954), writer/director Edward Burns (1968), actress Heather Graham (1970), and actress Sara Gilbert (1975)
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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and puzzles,
Meredith
Our verdict on the 2024 so far? 🤔
COLOR US UNIMPRESSED
Well, we are now almost a full month into 2024, and I have to say that so far I am in agreement with our striped friend up top — thoroughly unimpressed.
So far this year:
• Our office has been broken into and burglarized (twice! In the same night!)
• Two adult men in their 50s decided to pause their high-speed chase through my suburban neighborhood over a minor fender bender and beat each other to a pulp in my (now blood-stained) driveway while I was attempting to park my car and get the foster kitten I was bringing home from spay surgery inside to recuperate.
• Boredwalk's sales have been in the toilet except for the (admittedly very excellent and hilarious) activity books for adults that we have struggled to advertise effectively for almost two years until a few weeks ago thanks to an ad that doesn't even feature pictures of said books, because why not?
• One of the aforementioned adult pugilists showed up yesterday morning and blocked our driveway (again) as Boredwalk co-founder Meredith and I were leaving for work in an effort to intimidate me into giving him nonexistent video footage of his earlier crimes that he was convinced would exonerate him in his upcoming assault and battery trial, forcing us to call 911 for the second time in 10 days.
So yeah. 2024: off to an inauspicious start!
I wish I could, Liz Lemon, but I have 11 more months of this nonsense to look forward to!
Who knows what fresh Hell February will bring!?!
Moving on to other topics...Happy National Green Juice Day, I guess? Woof, January 26th — you are not helping at all
The only "green juice" I am remotely interested in drinking is a glass of melted mint chocolate chip ice cream, and even then I'd have to think long and hard about what I'm about to swallow.*
* I know a lot of creeps reading this just giggled like a middle schooler, hit "reply," and started typing "that's what she..." Stop. Please don't. You're better than that. Get your mind out of the gutter!
Today is also National Peanut Brittle Day, which on the surface may sound marginally better than Green Juice Day, but honestly, this low-key seems like a scheme Big Dentistry cooked up to sell more crowns and fillings during a slow month. Don't fall for their tricks!
Finally, today is also National Fun At Work Day, but I think we've established that is not happening here at Boredwalk this year, so let's just move on...
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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!
This week Meredith and Tess discuss unhinged people who steal other artists' work only to claim THEY are the aggrieved party. It happens way more often than you might think!
Next up is a dispatch from the land of trolls, which is never a dull moment! A special twist this week is their professed concern for our souls, which seems both well-meaning but also invasive and judgmental.
This week's Question of the Day was "which song immediately transports you back to a happy time of your life?" Lots of fun answers from Boredwalk's Instagram & Facebook followers that run the gamut!
They wrap up the episode by trading answers to the questions "what are you too hard on yourself about?" from the Delve Deck: Venting Edition, and "what are you most thankful you learned as a kid?" from the Delve Deck: Joy Edition. Listen to hear their answers!
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Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from January 26ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you!
• In 1837 Michigan was admitted into the union as the 26th U.S. state
• In 1870 my home state of Virginia was RE-admitted into the union following its regrettable choices in 1861
• In 1915 lovely Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado was established by the U.S. Congress. Nice lay-up there, Congress!
• Birthday peanut brittle all around for: Austrian-American singer, unsolvable problem, and inspiration for the musical The Sound of Music Maria von Trapp (1905), activist, filmmaker, salad dressing enthusiast, and damn handsome actor Paul Newman (1925), mediocre baseball player, humorous TV dad, great sportscaster, and legendary beer pitch man Bob Uecker (1934), Marvel Comics illustrator Sal Buscema (1936), activist, author, and academic Angela Davis (1944), film critic and thumb aficionado Gene Siskel (1946), bassist & singer-songwriter Andy Hummel of influential power-poppers Big Star (1951), singer-songwriter & guitarist Lucinda Williams (1953), Dutch-American songwriter and guitar god Eddie Van Halen (1955), "Quiet Storm" singer-songwriter Anita Baker (1958), Canadian hockey icon Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky (1961), and English singer-songwriter & guitarist Andrew Ridgeley of Wham! fame (1963)
• Definitely pour out ALL the green juice (because it is gross) for: Chewing gum industrialist William Wrigley, Jr. (d. 1932), hardboiled Romanian-American actor Edward G. Robinson (d. 1973), country music singer-songwriter & guitarist Charlie Louvin (d. 2011), actor Abe Vigoda of The Godfather, Barney Miller, and Joe Versus The Volcano fame (d. 2016), and Los Angeles Lakers icon Kobe Bryant (d. 2020)
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OK, that's it for this week! I promise that Meredith and I are extremely eager to get back to working on new art and other products for you, but as you can imagine from the listicle of misery up top, design time has been hard to come by this month.
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and crossed fingers that things settle down,
Matt
Flattery will get you everywhere? 🤨
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS
Happy National Compliment Day! Compliments?! Ew, gross. Keep that anxiety fuel to yourself.
All is not lost, though! Today is also National Peanut Butter Day — huzzah! One of my favorite ways to stuff down the anxiety and discomfort I reflexively feel when complimented is to pile as many peanut butter cups on top of it as possible, so I guess we'll call January 24th a win-win for ol' Matty boy?
Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 24ths of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of peanut buttery delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)
• In 1908 the first Boy Scout troop was organized in England by Robert Baden-Powell
• In 1933 the 20th Amendment to the US Constitution was ratified, changing the beginning and end of terms for elected federal offices
• In 1935 the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company began selling the first canned beer, and 89 years later sent me on a wild goose chase to find a humorous GIF featuring (presumable) co-founders Gilbert and Freddy toasting to their brewing acumen. (Oddly specific, yes, but also this seems like something that definitely could have happened in the 80s or 90s and been caught on film — two entertainment icons at their cultural peak relaxing with some cold ones?)
Well, yeah, but...have you tried his canned beer?
GIF courtesy of A Nightmare on Elm Street / New Line Cinema
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Birthday compliments (if you must) and peanut butter cups all around for:
• Prussian king Frederick the Great (1712), who must not have been that awesome since his country no longer exists
• Novelist Edith Wharton of The Age of Innocence, Ethan Frome, and The House of Mirth fame (1862)
• Actor Ernest Borgnine of McHale's Navy, The Black Hole, Escape from New York, The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Bunch, The Poseidon Adventure, and The Devil's Rain fame (1917)
• Singer-songwriter & guitarist Neil Diamond of "Sweet Caroline", "Forever In Blue Jeans", Midnight Mass, and Saving Silverman fame (1941)
• Soul singer Aaron Neville of "Tell It Like It Is" and "Everybody Plays the Fool" fame (1941)
• Singer-songwriter Warren Zevon of "Werewolves of London" fame (1947)
• Actor, screenwriter, and comedy legend John Belushi of Saturday Night Live, Animal House, and The Blues Brothers fame (1949)
• Ukrainian-American comedian & actor Yakov Smirnoff (1951). Fun fact about Yakov: when he first moved to Los Angeles to pursue comedy he lived with two roommates who were also struggling aspiring entertainers — Andrew Dice Clay and Thomas F. Wilson (Biff of Back to the Future trilogy fame). Why no producers have made a show about this living arrangement has baffled me ever since I learned about it over a decade ago.
• English singer-songwriter, pianist, and TV presenter Jools Holland (1958)
• Actor, comedian, screenwriter, and voice actor Phil LaMarr of MadTV, Futurama, and DC animated universe fame (1967)
• Olympic gold medal winning gymnast Mary Lou Retton (1968)
• Actor Matthew Lillard of Serial Mom, Scream, and Scooby Doo film franchise fame (1970)
• Actor, producer, and screenwriter Ed Helms of The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart, The Hangover film series, and The Office fame (1974)
• Actress, comedian, and writer Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Conchords, The Last Man on Earth, 30 Rock, and Bob's Burgers fame (1978)
• Actress & singer Tatyana Ali of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air fame (1979)
• Actress Mischa Barton of The OC fame (1986)
Pour out some canned beer for:
• Roman emperor and noted party boi Caligula (d. 41)
• English soldier, politician, and cupcake frosting enthusiast Winston Churchill (d. 1965)
• Comedian and Stooge Larry Fine (d. 1975)
• Lawyer, jurist, and Supreme Court justice Thurgood Marshall (d. 1993)
• British singer-songwriter Mark E. Smith of The Fall (d. 2018)
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 😇 😈 Heaven? Hell? Tell me there's a secret third option...
Good news: there is! Hope you like Skyline Chili!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🎨 Don't be gelly — it's just art!
Seattle-based mixed media and paper collage artist Nadya Borisevich does some very cool stuff with old magazines and layered ink/paint!
3. 🐈 Big Chungus is all about that van life
#VanLifers Kayli & Logan may be documenting their existence in close motorized quarters, but I am only here for the van cat content. More Chungus, please!
4. 🤑 There's no such thing as a cool billionaire
Comedian (and occasional Boredwalk sketch writer) Robert Schultz would beg to differ!
5. 🦹🏽 Finally, a glimpse into the inner workings of The Illuminati!
Comedian Nate Meeker and friends set the record straight. Shady puppet masters: they're just like us, putting in a hard day's work!
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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and peanut buttery delight (or not),
Matt
How's the weather? 🥶
FINE, THANKS 😾
Happy Answer Your Cat's Questions Day! If only this foster kitten we've been caring for, Grover, would ask us some. We'd be delighted to answer them all to the best of our ability, but she remains steadfast in her choice to only emit intermittent chirps & grumbles.
"How are you, Grover?" - Me
"Fine, thanks!" - this kitten, probably
It's also National Hot Sauce Day, which will come in handy as something Buffalonians can drown their tears in today! Tough break, Bills fans. There's always next year.
Today is also National Polka Dot Day! I was surprised to learn that Minnie Mouse is credited with popularizing the iconic print two years after it first appeared publicly in a Miss America swimsuit pageant. Disney's got those little white 4-fingered gloves in everything, don't they?
Finally, let's end today's random observance run-down on a sweet note: Happy National Blondie Day! I was also surprised to learn that the original recipe for brownies did not call for chocolate, making blondies the original form of the chewy treat! However, this news does make me wonder what its final form will be in the event blondies are some sort of edible Pokémon...
Maybe strawberry, for some sort of Neapolitan baked treat trifecta?
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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous January 22nd historical events and notable birthdays and deathdays:
• In 1890 the United Mine Workers of America was founded in Columbus, Ohio
• In 1973 the Supreme Court of the United States delivered its decisions in Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton, legalizing elective abortion nationwide until it was overturned on June 24th, 2022
• In 1984 the first home computer to popularize the computer mouse and graphical user interface, the Apple Macintosh, was introduced during a Super Bowl XVIII television commercial
• Birthday blondies all around (hot sauce optional) for: English soldier, explorer, and alleged "stupid git" Sir Walter Raleigh (1552), English poet John Donne (1573), Scottish privateer Captain William Kidd (1645), English poet & playwright Lord Byron (1788), chemist & pharmacist Wilbur Scoville of hot sauce heat scale fame (1865), singer-songwriter and soul music icon Sam Cooke (1931), actress Piper Laurie of Carrie (1932), actor Bill Bixby of My Favorite Martian and The Incredible Hulk fame (1934), English actor John Hurt of The Elephant Man, V for Vendetta, and the Harry Potter film franchise fame (1940), English singer-songwriter, music manager, and punk style influencer Malcolm McLaren (1946), singer-songwriter and erstwhile Journey frontman Steve Perry of "Don't Stop Believin'" fame (1949), indie filmmaking legend Jim Jarmusch (1953), actress Linda Blair of The Exorcist fame (1959), Australian singer-songwriter and 80s heartthrob Michael Hutchence of INXS fame (1960), DJ & producer DJ Jazzy Jeff of "Parents Just Don't Understand" and "Summertime" fame (1965), actress Diane Lane (1965), celebrity chef Guy Fieri (1968), actor Gabriel Macht of Suits fame (1972), and singer-songwriter & jazz singer Lizz Wright (1980)
• Pour out some hot sauce in memory of: Australian actor & director Heath Ledger (d. 2008), Canadian author & illustrator Margaret Bloy Graham of Harry the Dirty Dog fame (d. 2015), sci-fi & fantasy novelist Ursula K. Le Guin of Earthsea series fame (d. 2018), baseball icon and MLB Hall of Famer Hank Aaron (d. 2021), and Buddhist monk and peace activist Thích Nhất Hạnh
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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time.
Peace, love, and spicy blondies,
Matt
Wickedly delicious 😈
POTIONS AND POPCORN? SIGN ME UP!
As is our tradition, I am here to let you know it is both National Brew a Potion Day and National Popcorn Day. I am all for it, as a fan of both tasty snacks and all things spooky.
January 19th is actually a cornucopia of factual delights. Did you know Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is birthday twins with Full House middle daughter actress Jodie Sweetin (both born on this day in 1982)? Or that it's Scrabble's birthday? I don't know how all of this helps you, but if you're a regular Boredwalk email reader I bet you're awesome at trivia night because we bring the random trivia!
It's also this dude's birthday...
If you're in the market for some shockingly soft hoodies* or other Boredwalk goodies, be sure to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!
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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!
This week I chatted with Tess from our content team about the latest in crimes-that-always-seem-to-be-happening-around-me (this week you can hear about the fistfight that broke out in my driveway, which did NOT involve me or any one else in my household), the return of social obligations following the holidays, and This Week In Trolls, wherein two chaotic and inconsiderate sociopaths try to justify their awful impulses in reaction to some comedy sketches our content team published recently. They are unsuccessful in this endeavor.
Next up we react to fan responses to the Question of the Day "what food do you hate that everyone seems to love?"
The episode wraps up with the two of us trading questions from the Venting and Joy editions of the Delve Deck!
First up from the Venting edition: "what seems like it should make you happy but doesn't?"
Not satisfied with one venting question, we also discuss "what problem can you not believe technology hasn't solved yet?"
As a palate cleanser we attempted to indulge in some joyful rumination, answering "if you could create a magic pill, what would it do?" Give a listen to hear our answers!
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Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from January 19ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you!
• The American Civil Liberties Union was founded on this day in 1920
• Scrabble made its debut on the board game market on this day in 1955
• Indira Gandhi became India's first female prime minister on this day in 1966
• Cult film Donnie Darko premiered at the Sundance Film Festival on this day 2001
• Birthday cake all around for: author Edgar Allan Poe (1809), artist Paul Cézanne (1893), model/actress Tippi Hedren (1930), singer-guitarist Phil Everly of The Everly Brothers (1939), singer-songwriter Janis Joplin (1943), singer-songwriter Dolly Parton (1946), actress Katey Sagal (1954), US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg (1982), and actress Jodie Sweetin of Full House fame (1982)
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OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, popcorn, and potions,
Meredith
A little something to wet your whistle 🚰
LOL, JUST KIDDING. YOU'LL HAVE TO DISTILL IT YOURSELF!
Happy National Bootlegger's Day! Weird to celebrate a criminal activity, but since January 17th is both Al Capone's birthday AND the anniversary of the enactment of the Volstead Act, which prohibited the sale of alcohol in the U.S. beginning in 1920, I suppose it's fitting.
All I know about Al Capone I learned from The Untouchables. Mostly that he was an avid baseball fan.
GIF courtesy of The Untouchables / Paramount Pictures
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Alright, before we get to those links let's acknowledge some notable events and famous birthdays from January 17ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!
• As mentioned, in 1920 the prohibition of the sale of alcohol began in the United States as a result of the Volstead Act taking effect
• Birthday cake all around for: English author & poet Anne Brontë (1820), film producer & Universal Studios co-founder Carl Laemmle (1867), mob boss & baseball fan Al Capone (1899), actress & national treasure Betty White (1922), actress, singer, and presumable cat enthusiast Eartha Kitt (1927), actor James Earl Jones (1931), boxer & activist Muhammad Ali (1942), actor & comedian Andy Kaufman (1949), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Mick Taylor of Rolling Stones fame (1949), singer-songwriter Steve Earle (1955), actor & comedian Steve Harvey (1957), singer-songwriter & guitarist Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles (1959), Canadian-American actor & comedian Jim Carrey (1962), former First Lady Michelle Obama (1964), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Richard Hawley (1967), Russian-American animator Genndy Tartakovsky of The Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack fame (1970), rapper & producer Lil Jon (1971), actor Freddy Rodriguez of Six Feet Under and Ugly Betty fame (1975), actress & singer-songwriter Zooey Deschanel (1980), and boxer & YouTuber Jake Paul (1997)
• Pour one out for: 19th President of the United States and lemonade enthusiast Rutherford B. Hayes (d. 1893), stained glass artist Louis Tiffany of fancy lamp fame (d. 1933), author & playwright Betty Smith of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn fame (d. 1972), and problematic chess icon Bobby Fischer (d. 2008)
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 🛠️ No need to bring any tools...
..this furniture comes with its own!
The Alpha Female Podcast is back with more incontrovertible facts about the shortcomings of men, like their refusal to build IKEA furniture on the first date. IT'S THE SOCIAL CONTRACT, GENTS.
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🤡 Make your firing festive in one easy step!
Just add clown!
3. 😬 This gives all new meaning to the term "Blood Moon"
Actress & comedian Anna Akana breaks down why no women have been on the Moon yet.
And content creators Eva & Javier Gabriel know exactly what that one thing is: to win an argument with their partner.
5. 🤨 Work spouses: Like regular spouses, but creepier
The secret (family) is out!
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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and unauthorized libations,
Matt