News
We like big Bundts and we cannot lie 🥮
YOU OTHER BAKERS CAN'T DENY
Happy National Bundt Day!
Fun fact: "Bundt" should always be capitalized because it is a trademark of the cookware manufacturer Nordic Ware, who began manufacturing the pans in the 1950s in the style of traditional European gugelhupf cakes.
Corollary fact: "Bundt" as a descriptor only applies to the shape of the cakes baked in Bundt pans, not to a specific cake recipe.
Bizarre linguistic fact: the correct pronunciation of Bundt has always included the "t" sound at the end, but the correct spelling of the cakes is "bund." Nordic Ware added the not-so-silent t at the end to both secure their trademark and make the spelling and pronunciation aligned so the pans would be easier to market.
Yeah, I know, more about Bundts than you ever wanted to know. I promise there are fun links further down, just bear with me.
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Today is also National Recycling Day, National Drummer Day, and National Family Civility Day. Celebrate all four of these random occasions by using your old Bundt pans as percussive instruments, but only during daylight hours so as not to be un-civil toward your family!
Alright, before we get to those links, let's take note of some famous events and birthdays from November 15ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!
• In 1920 the first assembly of the League of Nations (which would eventually morph into the United Nations) was held in Geneva, Switzerland
• In 1968 the Cleveland Transit System became the first transit system in the western hemisphere to provide direct rapid transit service from a city's downtown to its major airport. The snarky among us may be tempted to make a snide joke about this being necessary because people are so desperate to flee Cleveland, but I have been to The Cleve and it is much nicer than you think/remember. Don't knock it!
• In 2001 Microsoft launched the Xbox game console
• In 2022 the global (human) population reached 8 billion. That's a relief, because every time I leave the house I immediately think to myself "this is fine, but it could be better if there were more people for me to navigate around and be forced to interact with."
• Birthday Bundts all around for: Modernist painter and "flower" enthusiast Georgia O'Keeffe (1887), Disney and Peanuts television special animator and voice actor of Snoopy & Woodstock Bill Melendez (1916), actor Ed Asner of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Elf, Up, and DC animated universe fame (1929), English novelist & short story writer J.G. Ballard of Empire of the Sun and The Atrocity Exhibition fame (1930), English singer-songwriter Petula Clark of 'Downtown' fame (1932), early R&B and rock 'n' roll singer Clyde McPhatter (1932), actor & screenwriter Yaphet Kotto of Alien and Homicide: Life on the Streets fame (1939), actor Sam Waterston of Law & Order fame (1940), Malaysian fashion designer Jimmy Choo of very expensive shoe fame (1948), actress Beverly D'Angelo of National Lampoon's Family Vacation film franchise fame (1951), pro wrestling icon Randy "Macho Man" Savage (1952), drummer Tony Thompson of Chic and Power Station fame (1954), comedian & actress Judy Gold (1962), actress Rachel True of The Craft and Half Baked fame (1966), rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard (1968), English-American actor Jonny Lee Miller of Hackers and Trainspotting fame (1972), and actor Asia Kate Dillon of Orange Is The New Black and Billions fame (1984)
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 🧙🏼♀️ We owe you an apology
We may have become soft over the course of the previous millennium, but we are committed to doing better by bringing terrifying old school retribution into the 21st century.
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🪓 This (home)town isn't big enough for the two of us
Comedian Alina Bock finally gives us the Hallmark content we've been searching for!
3. 😱 Just say NO to ventriloquism classes!
Don't be a dummy like Joe Brogie, lest you become an accomplice to a puppet's armed robbery scheme
4. 🖨️ I've never seen that computer before in my life
Creator Julie Story really nails IT network dysfunction with this skit about a reluctant desktop printer.
5. 😾 Daylight Saving Time sounds like a YOU problem, human
Penny the ginger cat is not interested in your fickle human temporal constructs. She wants dinner, and she wants it NOW.
OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday — possibly with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Maybe even some *gasp* new art! Until then...
Peace, love, and the biggest of Bundts,
Matt
Too busy disposing of baddies to water? 🌱
It's a brand new (treacherous) year! 🦝
So much for eating healthier in the new year 🍒🍫
So this is the new year? 🤨
WE DON'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT
Here's hoping we can flip the script on the above sentiment with some new habits in 2024! We're closing out 2023 with a great deal on fun stuff to help those New Year's resolutions stick around past mid-January!
Now through Monday, get 15% off any of our Delve Decks, adult activity books, and Grievance Journals when you use the code NEW15 at checkout!
You don't need to spend a certain amount or download an app or sacrifice an innocent animal over a copper bowl while reciting "Auld Lang Syne" backwards — just use that code at checkout. That's it.*
*Though I would be very bad marketer indeed if I didn't mention that orders over $75 ship for free within the U.S. Do with this fine print what you will.
It's been a long year, you deserve some easy savings!
GIF via CBS
Alright, sales-y stuff out of the way...
Happy Pepper Pot Day! No, not Tony Stark's right-hand woman Pepper Potts — I'm talking about the piping hot stew of veggies, peppercorns, and beef tripe! (Yum, I guess?)
Nicknamed 'The Soup That Won The War' in the aftermath of the Revolutionary War by fanciful Philadelphians who claimed it was the only food the Continental Army ate during the harsh winter of 1777-1778 as they fought for independence from British rule, this is a pretty ironic bit of myth-making given that Pepper Pot was originally brought to America by — wait for it — enslaved people from Africa and the Caribbean. Of course. Founding Fathers? More like Founding Fibbers, amirite?
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Alright! Let's send you off into the holiday weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from December 29ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you! Celebrate with some beef tripe (if you dare)!
• In 1845 the U.S. annexed the Republic of Texas and admitted it as the 28th state in the union, much to the chagrin of various Texans ever since
• In 1937 the catchily-named Irish Free State was replaced by a new, more efficiently-named state called Ireland following the adoption of a new constitution
• Birthday beef tripe stew — sorry, kids! — all around for: Scottish chemist and inventor of the modern waterproof raincoat Charles Macintosh (1766), chemist & engineer Charles Goodyear of tire & blimp fame (1800), pianist, saxophonist, jazz bandleader, and trans trailblazer Billy Tipton (1914), actress, producer, and Weezer muse Mary Tyler Moore (1936), Canadian singer-songwriter & bassist Rick Danko of The Band (1943), English singer-songwriter & actress Marianne Faithfull (1946), actor Ted Danson of Cheers, Three Men and a Baby, and The Good Place fame (1947), actress Patricia Clarkson (1959), comedian & author Paula Poundstone (1959), singer-songwriter & biologist Dexter Holland of punk band The Offspring (1965), filmmaker Lilly Wachowski of The Matrix film franchise fame (1967), English actor Jude Law (1972), actor & screenwriter Danny McBride of Eastbound & Down fame (1976), actress Katherine Moennig of The L Word fame (1976), Mexican actor & filmmaker Diego Luna of Andor fame (1979), and actress Alison Brie of Community and G.L.O.W. fame (1982)
• Pour one out for: Austrian poet & author Rainer Maria Rilke (d. 1926), jazz trumpeter Freddie Hubbard (d. 2008), guitarist, drummer, and songwriter Ben Curtis of the bands Secret Machines and School of Seven Bells (d. 2013), Italian-French fashion designer Pierre Cardin (d. 2020), English fashion designer Vivienne Westwood (d. 2022), and Brazilian football icon Pelé (d. 2022)
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OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email — because everybody deserves to receive something fun on New Year's Day — and MAYBE a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and fresh starts,
Matt
Need to shed some holiday weight? 🏋🏽
START BY TOSSING THAT FRUITCAKE IN THE 🗑️
Happy National Fruitcake Day! Did you know that the earliest documented recipe for fruitcake is a Roman variation from around 500 BCE? That tracks, considering the average 2023 fruitcake tastes around 2,475 years old. Maybe we've all been re-gifting the same ancient fruitcakes to our frenemies this whole time?
Even more shocking: for a time in the 18th century fruitcakes made with butter and sugar were actually banned in Europe for being "too rich and tasty."
I'm no expert, but wanting to consume a less-palatable version of an already-dubious "treat" seems to be a prime example of literally being a glutton for punishment.
That's right, Pee-wee — gotta keep it fresh for re-gifting next year!
GIF courtesy of Pee-wee's Playhouse / CBS
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Alright, before we get to those links let's acknowledge some notable events and famous birthdays from December 27ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!
• In 1831 Charles Darwin embarked on his journey aboard HMS Beagle, during which he would begin formulating his theory of evolution
• In 1932 Radio City Music Hall, dubbed the "Showplace of the Nation," opened in New York City
• In 1935 Regina Jonas was ordained as the first female rabbi in the history of Judaism
• Birthday fruitcake all around (sorry kids!) for: French chemist & microbiologist Louis Pasteur of pasteurization fame (1822), actress Heather O'Rourke of Poltergeist film franchise fame (1975), singer-songwriter & keyboardist Hayley Williams of the band Paramore (1988), and French-American actor & presumed chocolate enthusiast Timothée Chalamet (1995)
• Pour one out for: French architect, engineer, and tower enthusiast Gustave Eiffel (d. 1923), singer-songwriter & guitarist Chris Bell of influential power-poppers Big Star (d. 1978), influential Tin Pan Alley singer-songwriter & pianist Hoagy Carmichael (d. 1981), and actress & author Carrie Fisher of Star Wars film franchise fame (d. 2016)
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 👻 If this is an addiction, put it straight into my veins!
Josh's asocial introverted behavior is only a problem for other people. He's not hurting anyone!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🤘🏽 DIY home improvement, but make it metal
Digital creator and impressive handyperson Brandon Gentry shows how he turned a lackluster kitchen closet into a schmancy hidden bar. Everything looks so easy when it's condensed into a minute and 14 seconds!
3. ☠️ A new dark horse candidate has entered the fray!
I hear she favors pale and/or white steeds... vote Anne Thrax in 2024!✌🏼
4. 👶🏽 What else is a parent supposed to do?
Syd & Olivia aren't going to just stand by and let baby Brockleigh's crow's feet and worry lines progress unchecked!
5. 🔪 Oatmeal = joy!
Craig really has his morning routine dialed in — we have a lot to learn from him!
6. BONUS: 📜 The secret origin of the Bill of Rights
Normally our Wednesday emails are a strictly bummer-free zone. We started sending these link roundup emails in April 2020 as a welcome distraction from the horrors of COVID and racial injustice and all the other aspects of the modern dystopia that make just getting out of bed each morning a challenge.
Last week Boredwalk co-founder Meredith and I lost a dear friend. Neel Nanda was one of the first friends we made after moving to Los Angeles in 2013. We had moved out here to be closer to suppliers, and around the same time Neel had relocated from NYC to pursue comedy full-time.
In a lot of ways we were living parallel lives to Neel — as Boredwalk grew, his career also blossomed. He went from working day jobs to pay bills and hustling for time at open mics at night when we met — sometimes doing 2-3 sets all over LA each night, 6-7 nights per week to hone his craft — to doing comedy full-time, booking successful tours, and appearing on Comedy Central, HULU, and Jimmy Kimmel Live!, among countless other credits.
In addition to being so warm, friendly, and instantly likable, Neel's talent and drive were evident to us from the very first night we met him after a set at the Lyric Hyperion, and we cherished every moment we got to spend with him over the last 11 years even though those moments became harder and harder to come by as the demands of our respective jobs got in the way.
The angry and sad part of me spent most of the holiday weekend being bitter about the fact that so many other less talented, less deserving, and less hardworking comedians received bigger breaks while Neel continued to grind on the road and in clubs here around LA.
Being a working artist is hard and one of the heartbreaking things about being close to working artists is seeing extremely talented hardworking people not get the careers they deserve, or at least not on the timeline they deserve. I always believed he'd eventually be a household name. He was so funny and so driven. I felt that way the first time I met him and still fully expected it to happen until his sudden passing last week.
Would a Netflix special or a late night hosting gig have resulted in him still being here with us? Maybe, maybe not.
What I do know is that existence is hard and I'm sad in a very selfish way that he won't be around to make me laugh anymore.
Rest in peace, buddy.
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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and fruitcake (I guess),
Matt
Do you hear what I hear?👂
THE SOUND OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC FINALLY RECEDING FROM PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEMS!
Happy National Pumpkin Pie Day! What a delicious way to celebrate a random day at the end of December! Good thing there's nothing else happening of note today that might steal Big Pumpkin's dessert-y thunder...
Oh wait — right. December 25th. Merry Christmas!
If you're anything like my family, your Christmas morning unfolds thusly:
• 6:00AM - All children under the age of 12 wake up and begin foaming at the mouth and gnashing teeth, champing at the bit to tear into gifts. Doesn't matter for whom, they just want to rip brightly-colored paper to shreds.
• 6:01AM - These children are told in no uncertain terms that they must wait until 7:00AM at the earliest to rouse their older brother (me) from his slumber, lest he transmogrify into The Christmas Ogre and ruin everyone's day with sullen, sarcastic insults.
• 7:00AM - Everyone gathers around the dining room table to read Advent devotionals, sing Christmas hymns — not carols, hymns, preferably with multiple stanzas to really ratchet up the impotent frustrated rage of the sub-12 set — sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, eat the attendant birthday cake baked specially for Him, and jockey for position near the papered-over entrance to the living room until given permission to enter and obliterate a small forest worth of paper.
• 7:20ish AM - Permission is granted
• 8:30ish AM - Operation: Destroy All Wrapping Paper is complete
Totally normal, right? Every family does this, right? RIGHT?!
Peace on Earth and bad will to your fierce competition in the unwrapping Olympics!
GIF via Saturday Night Live / NBC
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The above description of events may seem hyperbolic, but I assure you it is not. That was quite literally every Christmas morning in the Snow household from ≈ 1992 - 2004, and I assume it continues to this day because my brothers will never not be annoying AF on Christmas morning, even in their 30s.
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If you are not a Christmas celebrant, I hope you are still planning to enjoy a day of tranquil reflection and relaxation today.
If you are associating with said celebrants today but need a last-minute gift, don't forget that Boredwalk sells electronic gift cards that are instantaneously delivered to your email inbox after purchase. It's like you are Santa Clause and the internet is your own personal chimney!
And if you are the recipient of said gift card OR just some cold hard digital cash that your lazy siblings just Venmo'ed you in lieu of something more thoughtful, be sure to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95 or more, and don't forget that U.S. shipping is FREE for orders of $75 or more!
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Alright! Let's kick off this holiday with a few famous December 25th birthdays and historical facts:
• In 1758 Johann Georg Palitzsch sighted Halley's Comet, confirming its namesake Edmund Halley's prediction of its passage and becoming the first passage of a comet that was predicted ahead of time
• In 1968 the Apollo 8 mission performed the first successful Trans-Earth injection (TEI) maneuver, which sent the crew & spacecraft on a trajectory back to Earth from Lunar orbit
• In 2021 the James Webb Space Telescope was launched
• Birthday pumpkin pie all around for: Nurse, humanitarian, and founder of the American Red Cross Clara Barton (1821), actor Humphrey Bogart of Casablanca fame (1899), jazz singer-songwriter & bandleader Cab Calloway (1907), screenwriter, producer, and creator of The Twilight Zone Rod Serling (1924), English singer-songwriter & bassist Noel Redding of The Jimi Hendrix Experience (1945), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and margarita enthusiast Jimmy Buffett (1946), actress Sissy Spacek of Carrie fame (1949), Guyanese-American actress CCH Pounder of The X-Files, ER, and The Shield fame (1952), Scottish singer-songwriter & pianist Annie Lennox of Eurythmics fame (1954), recently departed English-Irish singer-songwriter Shane MacGowan of Pogues fame (1957), English songwriter, producer, and journalist Bob Stanley of Saint Etienne (1964), Danish model & actress Helena Christensen of "rolling around on the beach with Chris Isaak" fame (1968), French musician & producer Nicolas Godin of pop duo Air (1969), English singer-songwriter Dido of "Here With Me" and "Thank You" fame (1971), Irish musician & songwriter Noel Hogan of 90s alt-rock darlings The Cranberries (1971), and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (1971)
• Pour out some egg nog for: English actor & director Charlie Chaplin (d. 1977), singer, actor, and all-around entertainer Dean Martin (d. 1995), singer-songwriter & Godfather of Soul James Brown (d. 2006), singer & actress Eartha Kitt (d. 2008), singer-songwriter & guitarist Vic Chesnutt (d. 2009), and British singer-songwriter & pop superstar George Michael of "Last Christmas" fame with Wham! (d. 2016)
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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, but if you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and no more Christmas music in stores after today,
Matt
So you need a last-minute gift, do you? 😰
WE GOT YOU, FAM 👆🏽
Happy National Cookie Exchange Day! Now THIS is a holiday we can all get behind! Whether you're in the mood for mandelbrot & hamantaschen, of the pagan persuasion and feeling peckish for Moon Spell cookies in observance of Yule, or more inclined to nosh on Christmas tree spritzes and gingerbread men, women, and non-binary persons, indulge in the spirit of the season with an interfaith culinary exchange!
December 22nd is also National Short Person Day, which is a holiday we can all get beneath — give your vertically-challenged pals an assist by grabbing something out of their reach or putting them on your shoulders today. Particularly if it's an ingredient in the pantry or at the store they'll need to bake those cookies you'll be benefiting from!
Technically every day is Short Person Day in my household. Boredwalk's co-founder & CEO Meredith is petite, and as she reminds me every time she yells across the house for me to get something high-up only to be reminded by me that there is a step stool closer to her than I am, the day she married me is the day she forever bid adieu to the tyranny of the step stool. Interestingly, that little tidbit was conveniently omitted from her vows.
Which is to your benefit, Nicole Richey! You would be horrified by the amount of dust up here.
GIF via Candidly Nicole / VH1
In Boredwalk housekeeping (and general shipping) news, if you were hoping to order something today and receive it in time for Christmas, I have good and bad news.
First, the bad news: only a few of us are here at the office today, and only for about half the day, which is going to limit the number of packages we're able to pack up and hand off to USPS. Even if YOUR package is one of the lucky ones, it's unlikely it will get to you in time unless you live in the Los Angeles area. Even then I wouldn't count on it.
But like the soft light of an Advent wreath or Menorah, a ray of hope exists: As depicted at the top of this email, we sell electronic gift cards! You could literally buy one as your relatives are walking in the door for the gift exchange. If you're just kinda so-so about them, simply forward the order confirmation email containing the gift card code to their best address.
If you love them dearly enough to spare the ink and saliva, print it out on the ancient inkjet your mom or dad insist on keeping around, fold it crisply, and present it to them in whichever holiday card you hastily grabbed on your way over to the agreed upon site of said gift exchange.
Regardless of effort level, it's the thought that counts!
If you'd rather celebrate yourself by engaging in some retail therapy, don't forget to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!
Finally, we are of course closed on Monday in observance of the Christmas holiday. I mean, you can (and should) still shop our website — it's not like we're turning it OR the internet off — but we won't be responding to emails, voicemails, or most other forms of communication until we are back in the office during regular business hours on Tuesday. Except to ridicule trolls leaving unkind comments on our social media posts and ads. Trolls never take days off.
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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk goodies to arrive (or for those cookies to bake) you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!
This week Meredith and Boredwalk content creator Tess discuss Tess's ailing kitty Jasper's recent tummy troubles and Meredith's and my foster cat menagerie. So many cats to help, so little time!
Meredith also talks a bit about the new products Boredwalk has in store for 2024, holiday plans (or lack thereof), and the great job Boredwalk's operations staff did getting stuff shipped out quickly this season. Huzzah!
Seriously, if you were paying attention to your tracking the last couple months — and didn't order something weird like a purple or mint green t-shirt that we had to order the blank for from out of state before we could print on it — you probably noticed that your order shipped the same or next business day from the time you completed checkout.
On the flip side of that, there's a troll fail that is unintentionally funny because his misogynistic comment was not the burn he thought it would be given the context. Better luck next time, troll!
However, it does spark an interesting discussion on aging, ageism, and sexist double-standards about aging propped up by tired patriarchal narratives.
They then react to fan responses to the Question of the Day "what's a topic you can't seem to understand no matter how much anyone tries to explain it?" Answers ranged from arguments against veganism to pro sports salaries to cryptocurrency to fax machines to contribution margins in business to the stock market. We and our social media followers contain multitudes!
Meredith & Tess wrap up by trading questions from the Venting & Joy editions of the Delve Deck, answering "what mistake do you keep making that you never seem to learn from?" and "what makes you feel most fulfilled?" Listen to find out their answers!
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Alright! Let's send you off into the holiday weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from December 22nds of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you! Celebrate with a cookie!
• In 1808 Ludwig van Beethoven conducted & performed in concert the premiere of his Fifth Symphony (aka the "Duh-duh-duh-DUH, duh-duh-duh-DUH" song), one of the most famous compositions of classical music in history, if not THE most famous.
• In 2010, then-President Barack Obama signed into law the repeal of the U.S. military's 17-year-old Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy banning homosexuals from serving openly. Huzzah!
• Birthday cookies all around for: 38th First Lady of the United States Lady Bird Johnson (1912), actress Barbara "June Cleaver" Billingsley of Leave It to Beaver fame (1915), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and bowtie enthusiast Rick Nielsen of 1970s power-poppers Cheap Trick (1948), English singer-songwriters Maurice & Robin Gibb of The Bee Gees (1949), rapper Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew fame (1960), English actor Ralph Fiennes of Schindler's List, The English Patient, The Hurt Locker, and recent James Bond film fame (1962), Welsh singer-songwriter & guitarist Richey Edwards of Manic Street Preachers fame (1967), and singer-songwriter & producer Meghan Trainor of "All About That Bass" fame (1993)
• Pour one out for: English publisher John Newbery of Newbery Medal fame (d. 1767). Newbery more or less created the children's literature category by demonstrating it could be a successful and sustainable segment of the broader literary market. Also pay respect to English novelist Mary Ann "George Eliot" Evans of Middlemarch and Silas Marner fame (d. 1880), blues singer Ma Rainey (d. 1939), English children's book writer & illustrator Beatrix Potter of Peter Rabbit fame (d. 1943), punk rock singer-songwriter & guitarist D. Boon of The Minutemen (d. 1985), Irish author, poet, and playwright Samuel Beckett of Waiting For Godot fame (d. 1989), English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and punk icon Joe Strummer of The Clash (d. 2002), English singer-songwriter Joe Cocker (d. 2014), actress & voice actor Christine Cavanaugh, who was the original voice of Chuck Finster on Rugrats (d. 2014), and spiritual teacher, author, and psychonaut Ram Dass (d. 2019)
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OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email — because everybody deserves to receive something fun on Christmas Day regardless of religious affiliation, even if it's just a rambling, snarky email — and MAYBE a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and cookies,
Matt
What an interesting new smell you've discovered!👃
THANKS, IT'S LICE FEVER!🤢
Happy National Sangria Day! Why December 20th was selected to celebrate an iced beverage is beyond me, but then it was just seven days ago that Big Ice Cream tried to horn in on wintry foodstuffs' turf, so I can't say I'm that surprised.
However, I was surprised to learn that sangria and mulled wine are both derived from the ancient Greek & Roman drink hippocras and that it's totally normal to drink warm sangria this time of year. The more you know!
Today is also Sacagawea Day, which is great — we should definitely pay respect to the young woman who helped the Lewis & Clark expedition navigate the lands "purchased" by the U.S. from France in 1803 that were in no way stolen from indigenous peoples.* Less great is that we celebrate Sacagawea on the day of her death by *checks notes* "putrid fever," which is apparently the catchier nickname of louse-borne typhus. Grrrr-osss.
* This is sarcasm. They were definitely stolen from indigenous peoples by a succession of white European land speculators masquerading as governments. Don't @ me.
That would be the lice typhus, Squidward. Keep up!
GIF courtesy of SpongeBob SquarePants / Nickelodeon
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Alright, before we get to those links let's acknowledge some notable events and famous birthdays from December 20ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!
• In 1803 the aforementioned Louisiana "Purchase" was completed at a ceremony in New Orleans
• In 1940 Captain America Comics #1, featuring Captain America's first appearance, was published
• In 1946 It's a Wonderful Life premiered at New York's Globe Theatre to mixed reviews
• In 2019 the *sigh* United States Space Force (🙄) became the first new branch of the U.S. military since 1947
• Birthday treats all around for: Singer-songwriter, drummer, and producer Peter Criss of KISS fame (1945), Israeli-English mentalist & illusionist Uri Geller (1946), TV director, producer, and screenwriter Dick Wolfe of Law & Order fame (1946), English actress Jenny Agutter of Logan's Run, An American Werewolf in London, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier fame (1952), disco and R&B singer Anita Ward (1956), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Billy Bragg (1957), singer-songwriter & bassist Mike Watt of punk icons The Minutemen (1957), bassist Jackie Fox of The Runaways (1959), singer-songwriter & guitarist Chris Robinson of The Black Crowes (1966), and actor & filmmaker Jonah Hill (1983)
• Pour some sangria out for: Explorer and guide Sacagawea of Oregon Trail and dollar coin fame (d. 1812), novelist & Nobel Prize laureate John Steinbeck of The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, and Of Mice and Men fame (d. 1968), banker, businessman, and Walt Disney Co. co-founder Roy Disney (d. 1971), singer-songwriter & actor Bobby Darin of "Splash Splash," "Dream Lover," "Mack the Knife," and "Beyond the Sea" fame (d. 1973), Polish-American pianist & composer Arthur Rubinstein (d. 1982), astronomer, astrophysicist, cosmologist, and educator Carl Sagan (d. 1996), and actress & singer Brittany Murphy of Clueless, Freeway, Girl, Interrupted, 8 Mile, and King of the Hill fame (d. 2009)
Now on to the amusing links!
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1. 🧙🏾♀️ Speaking of Louisiana...
In the second episode of our new YouTube series Women's Rights and Women's Wrongs, Tess from Boredwalk's content creator team presents a mini-documentary about New Orleans hairdresser and (alleged) voodoo witch Marie Laveau!
We have a few more episodes in the works, but for this to become an ongoing series please watch, subscribe to our channel, and share it far & wide with anyone you think would appreciate our humorous historical takes!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 👴🏼 Parents just don't understand
Creator Pat Mandziy takes us on a trip through time. Turns out parents have never understood their kids!
3. 🎁 Well I didn't see THIS coming
This is neither intentionally hilarious or even mildly amusing, but I do find it... humorously fascinating? ... that scientist Katie Steckles found a way to combine two of my least favorite things in a 59-second video demonstrating how to wrap gifts more efficiently using math. Gift wrapping AND math? At the same time?! Come on, Katie!
4. 🎄 I don't see it dominating the charts, but it's worth a look/listen
DJ Cummerbund creatively mashed up a smorgasbord of holiday standards — primarily José Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad", but also featuring contributions from Wham!, Rob Zombie, Rush, and more — with Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell." I can't say it improves on any of the source material, but it's certainly interesting and timely!
5. 🙇🏽 Stuck in a rut and unsure how to move forward in life?
Josh has the answer: start a cult!
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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and sangria,
Matt
"Will it get here by Christmas?" 🤔
WELL FRIEND... THAT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU
Happy National Twin Day! Shout out to my brothers Rob & Tom, who are fraternal twins AND about to celebrate their shared birthday eight days from now! After three-ish decades you would think they'd have gotten over receiving Christmas/birthday combo gifts from their cheap older brother... but you'd be wrong. Maybe I should send them each a Grievance Journal to complain about it in?
Speaking of which, it is crunch time here at Boredwalk HQ. We are working feverishly today and tomorrow to get as many orders packed up and handed off to USPS as possible to make some holiday miracles happen (even for the procrastinators who don't deserve it).
If you count yourself amongst said procrastinators, please don't dawdle and just order some of our books and/or Delve Decks right now so we can get them out the door as quickly as possible. You can still order our tees, towels, tank tops, bags, or sweatshirts of course, but I would not count on them to arrive before next Monday at this point. I mean, anything can happen — they might — but it's kind of like expecting Joe Flacco to come out of retirement* and be a productive quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. It's something of a... what's the term I'm looking for... ah yes: a Hail Mary.
* Technically he wasn't "retired," but being a 38 year-old QB sitting un-signed at home halfway through the season also doesn't scream "gainfully employed."
I kid because I love, Browns fans. You've suffered plenty and deserve nice things!
GIF via The Simpsons / FOX
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Be sure to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95 or more, and don't forget that U.S. shipping is FREE for orders of $75 or more!
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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous December 18th birthdays and historical facts:
• In 1892 Tchaikovsky's ballet The Nutcracker was performed for the first time in Saint Petersburg, Russia
• In 1932 the Chicago Bears defeated the Portsmouth Spartans in the first ever NFL playoff game to win the NFL Championship.
• Birthday cake all around for: Actor & filmmaker Ossie Davis of Do The Right Thing, Grumpy Old Men, and Bubba Ho-Tep fame (1917), English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and indestructible rock 'n' roll pirate Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame (1943), South African anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko (1946), filmmaker Steven Spielberg (1946), lead guitarist Elliot Easton of new wave legends The Cars (1953), actor Ray Liotta of Field of Dreams and Goodfellas fame (1954), actor Brad Pitt of Moneyball fame (1963), pro wrestler and beer enthusiast Stone Cold Steve Austin (1964), Australian actress Rachel Griffiths of Six Feet Under fame (1968), actor Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers fame (1968), rapper & actor DMX (1970), Australian singer-songwriter Sia (1975), actress Katie Holmes of Dawson's Creek and Go fame (1978), singer-songwriter Christina Aguilera (1980), and singer-songwriter Billie Eilish (2001)
• Pour one out for: Legendary comedian and actor Chris Farley of Saturday Night Live, Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, and Beverly Hills Ninja fame (d. 1997), British singer-songwriter Kirsty MacColl of "Fairytale of New York" fame (d. 2000), animation icon Joseph Barbera of Hanna-Barbera fame (d. 2006), actress & producer Majel Barrett of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation fame (d. 2008), and Hungarian-American actress & socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor of Moulin Rouge, Touch of Evil, and Queen of Outer Space fame (d. 2016)
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OK, scroll on down to learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan Kelly! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and for-the-love-of-cats-stop-procrastinating-and-order,
Matt
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Kelly looking cozy in her Have The Day You Deserve hoodie!
• What's your dream job?
My dream job would be a public health research librarian. I love constantly reading and learning new things; connecting people with information, tools, and resources; and sharing the field of public health with new folks.
• What's your biggest pet peeve?
When people eat loudly. There is seriously no need for slurping, smacking, gobbling, guzzling, munching, or any other ridiculous noises. PLEASE NO!!!
• If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
My superpower of choice would be teleportation. It would be awesome to be able to see my favorite people and friends more frequently and to be able to attend all the important moments in people's lives. Also, I have had an average of a three-hour round-trip commute to work for most of my adult life, so it would be awesome to eliminate that!
• You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
A pesky eyelid twitch that lasted every day for all waking hours.
• If you could make a mundane wish (meaning, a wish for something seemingly inconsequential that you still believe would benefit you immensely), what would it be for?
My mundane wish would be to eliminate other folks' need to fill silent times with small talk, because… silence is okay! Mindless small talk takes my "peopling gauge" from F to E in two minutes.
• What is something you wish you could go back in time and say to your younger self?
Embrace who you are and not attempt to conform to the environments around you. Your people are out there, and you will find them. Be you and be proud of all of the pieces of you.
Last(ish) call for guaranteed(ish) holiday cheer! 🎁
NOT REALLY, BUT ALSO SORT OF?
Happy National Cupcake Day! Here's a fun little fact I discovered while researching content for today's email: Even though they've been kicking around in some form since the late 1700s, it wasn't until the 1950s when Winston Churchill of all people first suggested cupcakes be frosted! Who knew that gruff old curmudgeon was such a softy for sweets?
While we're at it, happy National Lemon Cupcake Day! Apparently these dainty cakes fancy a bit of double-dipping on December 15th. Despite lemon being a flavor commonly associated with summertime, winter is prime citrus season when lemons are at peak deliciousness, so we'll allow it.
Finally, happy National Regifting Day! If you were on the receiving end of a less-than-desirable tribute courtesy of a recent white elephant gift exchange, consider regifting it to someone who may appreciate it more so you can make room for something you REALLY want (like, say, some Boredwalk merch *hint hint*).
I encourage you to act with haste, though — because of how the calendar shook out this year, the 25th is one week from Monday, so you're cutting it close! We can ship out our Delve Decks, Grievance Journals, and activity books "lickety-split" as the young kids say,* but printing the towels, tees, bags, and hoodies takes longer since those aren't just sitting on a shelf waiting to packed up. We print all those to order about 50 feet from where I'm typing! Bear this in mind while you're loading up your virtual Santa sack this morning and over the weekend!
* Don't dispute my knowledge of youth slang — I know what's hip! By the way, would you care for a butterscotch? It's warm from being in my cardigan pocket all day!
And don't forget to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!
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In a bittersweet episode, I bid farewell to Josh Patton from Boredwalk's content team. Apparently making funny videos wearing cool shirts is not as compelling as Josh's plan to become a super-powered grasshopper who farms cannabis and moonlights as the President of the United States. Dream big if you're going to dream at all!
We then discuss the cognitive dissonance of people who get upset that creators usually have jobs making content for multiple brands in order to make ends meet, internet trolls who don't understand how satire & parody work, and read a nice review from Cindy W. about how much she loves her Grievance Journal!
We then react to fan responses to the recent Question of the Day "What job doesn't exist now, but will probably exist in the future?" Answers ranged from 'viable 3rd party candidates' to 'emotional support humans for AI chatbots' to the aforementioned super-powered insectoid cannabis farmers.
We wrap things up by trading questions from our newly released Delve Deck expansions!
From the Venting Edition, "What are you too hard on yourself about?" and from the Joy Edition, "What's the luckiest thing that ever happened to you?" Have a listen to find out our answers!
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Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from December 15ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you! Celebrate with a cupcake!
• In 1791 the United States Bill of Rights — the collective nickname for the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution — became law when it was ratified by the Virginia General Assembly
• In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association voted unanimously (13-0) to remove homosexuality from its official list of psychiatric disorders, which is definitely worth celebrating — perhaps also with cupcakes!
• Birthday cupcakes all around for: Roman emperor & fiddle enthusiast Nero (37), French architect & engineer Gustave Eiffel of Parisian tower fame (1832), author & playwright Betty Smith of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn fame (1896), radio host, DJ, and rock 'n' roll evangelist Alan Freed (1921), English drummer & songwriter Dave Clark of The Dave Clark Five (1939), English singer-songwriter & bassist Paul Simonon of The Clash (1955), actress Helen Slater of The Secret of My Success, The Legend of Billie Jean, and Supergirl fame (1963), actor Adam Brody of The O.C. fame (1979), and English actor Charlie Cox of Daredevil fame (1982)
• Pour one out for: Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer (d. 1675), English chemist Alfred Bird of inventing baking powder fame (d. 1878; thanks for the cupcake, Al!), Hunkpapa Lakota tribal chief Sitting Bull (d. 1890), singer-songwriter & pianist Fats Waller (d. 1943), bandleader, composer, and trombonist Glenn Miller (d. 1944), animator Walt Disney (d. 1966), and English-American essayist & critic Christopher Hitchens (d. 2011)
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OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and cupcakes,
Matt
Need hilarious content to get you through the week? 🤣
HOLD YOUR HORSES
Happy National Cocoa Day!
December 13th is certainly a fitting day to celebrate the best wintry beverage this side of mulled wine and/or nog.
Less fitting is National Cream Cheese Frosting Day, but it's delicious so I guess it can hang.
Not remotely fitting at all is National Ice Cream Day. You already get the third Sunday in July, Big Ice Cream! Don't be greedy!
If you are equinely inclined, today is also National Horse Day, when we recognize the economic, historic, and cultural contributions of horses. Like the tail hairs they so graciously donate to the bows used to play and celebrate...
National Violin Day! I hope your day is filled with the dulcet tones of an elementary school orchestra recital! Tell little Magnus and/or Mathilde they nailed the concerto, even if it really sounded like Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music on downers.
- Mr. & Mrs. Ma, probably
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Alright, before we get to those links, let's take note of some famous birthdays from December 13ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!
• Birthday frosting all around for: 16th First Lady of the U.S. Mary Todd Lincoln (1818), first African-American player in MLB's American League Larry Doby (1923), entertainer Dick Van Dyke of Mary Poppins and The Dick Van Dyke Show fame (1925), Canadian actor Christopher Plummer of The Sound of Music fame (1929), actor Steve Buscemi (1957), musician & actor Morris Day (1957), entertainer Jamie Foxx (1967), Blink-182 guitarist & singer-songwriter Tom DeLonge (1975), actor James Kyson of Heroes fame (1975), Evanesence singer-songwriter & musician Amy Lee (1981), and cat enthusiast Taylor Swift (1989)
• Pour some cocoa out for: Italian painter, sculptor, and mutant turtle namesake Donatello (d. 1466), English-American labor organizer Samuel Gompers of AFL fame (d. 1924), folk artist Grandma Moses (d. 1961), Canadian singer-songwriter & guitarist Zal Yanovsky of Lovin' Spoonful fame (d. 2002), Canadian actor, songwriter, and television host Alan Thicke of Growing Pains fame (d. 2016)
Now on to the amusing links!
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Introducing a brand new YouTube series from Boredwalk: Women's Rights and Women's Wrongs! A series of mini-documentaries showcasing notable female monsters (both real and fictional), check out our premier episode about Countess Elizabeth Báthory, presented by Tess from the Boredwalk content team!
We have a few more episodes in the works, but for this to become an ongoing series please watch, subscribe to our channel, and share it far & wide with anyone you think would appreciate our humorous historical takes!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🍎 Apple picking + Cuffing Season: A match made in heaven!
Comedy professionals and orchard owning amateurs Dan Toomey and Mack Hubbell make a compelling case for why apples are the greatest aphrodisiac of them all (at least during the months of September & October).
3. ⛳ The perfect solution to pesky cases of Brad, Blake, or even Brendynn!
Love golf but hate misogyny? Keep those monied alpha males in check with the St. André Crude Collar!
4. 🦇 Goth crafting, but make it glam AF
Calligraphy artist Jessica Cooper does some gorgeous work with foil. Check out the link above to see her process videos, but also visit her Etsy shop to buy some prints if you like her art!
5. 🎙️ Won't someone think of the drywall?!
Boredwalk's alpha female podcast is back, and Tess & Grace make a compelling case against allowing men to watch sports. Just too much emotional fragility!
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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and cocoa,
Matt