What's short and psychic and brown all over? 🤔

A RODENT OF UNUSUAL CLAIRVOYANCE

It's the Vernal Equinox, proving once again that the prognosticator of prognosticators was right on the money. It's almost like the whole "six more weeks of winter/only six more weeks until spring" thing is rigged!

Either that, or we should be asking groundhogs for input on WAY more subjects. Punxsutawney Phil has unlocked the key to immortality, mastered evading law enforcement during high-speed chases, AND been 137 for 137 at predicting the first day of spring. It's really quite astounding.

Paws at 10 and 2, checking the side mirrors... Phil is safer than 99.9% of human motorists, tbh.

GIF courtesy Groundhog Day / Columbia Pictures

It's also National Ravioli Day, and that is exciting because who doesn't love pasta with a delightful surprise inside? It's like a savory Advent Calendar for your tummy, but available year-round and without the religious baggage.

Before we get to those amusing links, let's take note of some interesting historical events and celebrity births & deaths from March 20ths of yore, shall we?

• In 1916 Albert Einstein published his and first wife Mileva Marić's general theory of relativity. Look, I get that some scholars dispute the claims that Mileva had a hand in Einstein's scientific work, but the dude agreed to give her all the Nobel Prize money he won in 1921 as part of their divorce settlement two years earlier, before he'd even won it — valued at approximately $2.5M USD in today's dollars. I'm sorry, but that just doesn't happen if you're simply a "supportive homemaker."

• In 1985 Libby Riddles became the first woman to win the 1,135-mile Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race.

• In 2015 a solar eclipse, equinox, and supermoon all occurred on the same day. I'm sure pagans & astrologers had a grand time luxuriating in such celestial largesse!

• Birthday ravioli (it could be a thing!) all around for: Roman poet Ovid (43 BCE), dreadfully boring Norwegian poet & playwright Henrik Ibsen of "A Doll's House" infamy (1828), behavioral psychologist B.F. Skinner (1904), actor & bandleader Ozzie Nelson of The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet fame (1906), actor, filmmaker, and 2000 year old man Carl Reiner (1922), television host, puppet enthusiast, and all-around icon of swellness Fred Rogers (1928), Jamaican singer-songwriter & producer Lee "Scratch" Perry (1936), children's author Lois Lowry (1937), Canadian hockey legend Bobby Orr (1948), actor, filmmaker, and New York Knicks enthusiast Spike Lee (1957), actress Holly Hunter (1958), model, actress, furniture designer, and swimwear enthusiast Kathy Ireland (1963), English-French actor David Thewlis of James and the Giant Peach fame (1963), actor & director Michael Rapaport of True Romance, Higher Learning, Deep Blue Sea, and Beautiful Girls fame (1970), and Linkin Park singer-songwriter Chester Bennington (1976)

• Pour one out for: Singer-songwriter, gambler, and roasted chicken enthusiast Kenny Rogers (d. 2020). His condition may be "deceased," but his music will live on forever! (Or at least until people tire of re-watching The Big Lebowski.)

Alright, on to the amusing links!

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1. 🏀 Just in time for March Madness!

Install your Wallpads before you submit your brackets! Your drywall will thank you!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. ✈️️ Leg room? That'll be extra.

Josiah Schneider discovers that modern airline seats are also designed for groundhogs. Phil has so much to teach us!

3. 🐈 Pretty privilege pioneers

Speaking of entitled diminutive mammals, Zay Dante has some choice words about cats. I love them... but he is not incorrect.

4.🐻‍❄️ We'll just clone the polar bears, it's fine

Chaz May gives us a celebrity house tour. Whose house? It doesn't really matter. They're all the same, and they're all terrible.

5. 😆 Can't keep up with Gen Z slang? Fight fire with fire!

Sam Salem is a comedian in LA who moonlights as a teacher, and he has been making up new slang words and convincing his students that they are real, very much slay, and not at all cringe.

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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and spring vibes,

Matt