What's with today today? 🤨

WELL, IT'S RORY COCHRANE'S BIRTHDAY, FOR ONE

The last time I used "What's with today today?" as an email subject line and failed to specifically mention the 1995 film Empire Records in the email — the movie from which the quote was pulled from — it did not go over well. We received a LOT of replies from subscribers who did not shy away from registering their disappointment.

As much as I love the movie (and, even more, its soundtrack), this was quite surprising given the film was released almost 30 years before I sent said email, and was an utter flop at the box office upon release. I just looked it up, and it only made $303,000! And it cost $10 MILLION to make!

Apparently the Venn diagram of Boredwalk's email list and the people who saw Empire Records in the theaters is essentially a circle, and the math backs this up — the average price of a movie ticket in 1995 was $4.35, and 303,000 ÷ 4.35 ≈ 69.5k, which is about how many people receive our emails.

SO, to all my fellow Empire Records dorks, this one's for you! Please reply and share your thoughts. But ONLY if you know unequivocally where those thoughts come from.

Happy birthday, Rory.

GIF via Empire Records / Warner Bros.

Weird holidays? We got 'em:

• Inconvenience Yourself Day — You mean "life?"

• National Chocolate Soufflé Day — Nothing says "inconvenience" like making chocolate consumption as stressful and anxiety-inducing as possible. Pro tip: skip the soufflé and just eat a chocolate bar.

• National Pancake Day — Perhaps the antithesis of the soufflé, the pancake can be as thin as a crepe or as fluffy as a spongy frisbee and satisfy your sweet tooth no matter how it turns out. As long as I can drown it in maple syrup, who cares?

• National Essay Day — If you've been reading Boredwalk's emails for a minute, you know we celebrate essays three days a week (though my AP Language & Composition teacher Ms Gazda might take issue with me describing... whatever this is... as an essay). Do they make for great marketing emails? Who can say? (My bank account can, and it says "no.") But they are (usually) fun to write!

Want a few interesting historical tidbits and famous birthdays from February 28ths of yore before we get to amusing links to brighten your day? Have at them:

• The final episode of M*A*S*H aired on this day in 1983 and was watched by almost 110 million viewers. For perspective, Super Bowl LVIII had an estimated 123.4 million viewers, but in 2024 the estimated US population is approximately 342 million versus 233.8 million in 1983.

So roughly 47% of the population tuned into the final episode of M*A*S*H compared to 36% of the population watching this year's Super Bowl, and without the benefit of streaming or widespread adoption of international satellite broadcasting. In summation, football is dumb. Long live baseball!

• Birthday pancakes (or chocolate soufflés, if you must) all around for: French philosopher, author, and original essayist Michel de Montaigne (1533), chemist, peace activist, and Nobel laureate Linus Pauling (1901), English guitarist, producer, and Rolling Stones founder Brian Jones (1942), English graphic designer Storm Thorgerson of Pink Floyd album cover fame (1944), football player and actor Bubba Smith of Police Academy film franchise fame (1945), actress, singer, and author Bernadette Peters of Broadway musical and The Jerk fame (1948), comedian, actor, and supplemental insurance enthusiast Gilbert Gottfried (1955), actor & director John Turturro, who is most notable for his work in the films of Spike Lee and the Coen brothers (1957), singer-songwriter Cindy Wilson of B-52s fame (1957), Canadian-American actress Rae Dawn Chong of Beat Street, The Color Purple, and Tales from the Dark Side fame (1961), actor Robert Sean Leonard of Dead Poets Society and House fame (1969), actor Rory Cochrane of Dazed and Confused and Empire Records fame (1972), and actress Ali Larter of Varsity Blues, Final Destination, Legally Blonde, and Heroes fame (1976)

Alright, on to the amusing links!

*****

1. 🐍 We don't hate men, we just hate "men."

True story: this video started going viral on TikTok the morning of Saturday 2/17 and we got a bunch of orders for the Female Gaze tee Tess is wearing in it. Yay!

But only for a few hours before TikTok flagged it with a policy violation for being "misleading." Boo!

What made it misleading? Well, we tagged the video with a link to the Female Gaze product listing in our TikTok Shop, and because Tess didn't explicitly mention the shirt she was wearing or tell people that they could buy it in our TikTok Shop they deemed the content "irrelevant" to the product that was tagged. Even though she is talking about gender politics in the video and the shirt featuring the mythical avatar of feminist rage occupies at least 50% of the frame throughout. sO miSLeAdiNg!

Show of hands: who has EVER opened the TikTok app on their phones HOPING it would be a never-ending scroll of "influencers" gushing about how "obsessed" they are with whatever product they're trying to sell like some sort of lo-fi QVC? Anyone? Anyone?!

Truly, this is the stupidest of timelines.

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook. But if you're looking for merch, just buy directly from a brand's website. These social media jabronis don't deserve to get a cut.

 2. 🧐 Book recommendations that guarantee business success!

The content creators at Almost Friday TV list five books every "entrapranure" should read. The Scroll of Flesh to Coin sounds riveting!

3. 💸 Inflation is out of control

FlossyBaby accurately depicts my experience every time I check out at the grocery store now.

4. 😼 Cats rule, and councilmen drool!

Content creator Jenn, aka ThatGoodNewsGirl, makes videos highlighting uplifting news stories, so her whole account is worth a follow, but in this one she shares a story about how Browser the library cat got evicted from his job but ultimately was reinstated, much to the chagrin of the cranky cat-hating Texas councilman who initially pushed for Browser's ouster. Huzzah, Browser!

5. ♂️ How to manifest a hostile takeover

Gabe is the apex of alphas. He made gravity his b!†©h! Follow Boredwalk for more empowering knowledge!

*****

We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and soufflés pancakes,

Matt